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#1
I mean, for anybody who knows me at all, they know that this is going to be very not normal at all, and probably kind of sad. Please don't argue with me, or try and tell me that I need fixing. I just want somewhere to share stuff (because I need the release), and am not asking for help. <3

Anyways, my day started with me taking a walk with my mom in the park. She then told me that she knows that I have an eating disorder, because she had one in high school. She knows that at camp I'm planning on eating nothing. 6 days without food. I find it strange that she isn't going to try and stop me, but she is trying to guilt trip me considering that I might die.

Next, I had to go get a shot. Like, prescription IM shot. While I was there, I asked if there was any possibility that I could be taught how to give myself a shot because I get them monthly for another 3-6 months (and so that I can just know). She taught me, and so a 5 minute appointment turned into a 45 minute lesson. She even gave me syringes to practice with (by using a sock to block the needle), which is great, but I found it a little strange to give needles to a 15 year old, even if where I live I could go buy them at any old pharmacy.

I think this is the part where I played guitar. I was cranking my amp, because I was home alone, and that's the proper thing to do. I bought it used, because I would never be able to afford a new one (this will make sense in a minute). After playing for a while, I was adjusting settings, and then there was a sudden volume drop. I tried changing channels, and that just cut the signal off, which sucked. I ended up just sitting there crying for, like, 10 minutes or so (because that's what teenage girls do, because estrogen just makes you cry 24/7). I then realized how stupid I was being, and that there is probably a simple solution. I first just tried finding where the tubes are located, but I couldn't. I tried looking it up, but I couldn't find anything. All I found was troubleshooting videos and videos for the head, which is so obvious, but maybe not to everyone. I then maybe took about 20 minutes to look for the dang tubes, but you can't blame me, because I found out that you have to unscrew 11 screws IIRC to actually access the tubes. I just watched one of those troubleshooting videos so I could find out what's wrong. I then learned that it was a PREAMP tube that blew. I then just got super ultra excited (again, estrogen) because I had a spare JJ 12AX7 on hand (but no EL84s, so I was glad it wasn't that). It took me the third try of switching tubes (my amp has 3 preamp tubes) to get the right one. The person that had the amp before me just replaced one tube, and that was the V1 preamp tube, and it was replaced with an old Ruby tube (it looked older than the Chinese tubes that came with it), but it turned out fine. I then cranked it again, and it was LOUD. Now, I know that a cranked Vox will be loud, but this was louder than I had ever had it be with the old Ruby tube. Much louder. But that was fine! That meant more clean headroom. It had a much better tone, too. I guess that a failing preamp tube doesn't sound as good as a nearly new one, which is good to know, but to be expected. I've heard that power tubes sound good towards the end of their lives, but IDK.

I feel like I'm missing something, but maybe not.
Just a teenage girl who loves playing guitar way too much, if that's even possible.

I live for my girlfriend. <3
#2
I remember being 15 and having several guns pointed at me by cops

now that was a weird day

Quote by Pastafarian96
I an evety characyer in this story
#3
Quote by gogiregion

I feel like I'm missing something, but maybe not.

what you're missing is a new amp 
Quote by jrcsgtpeppers
There shall be a stop to this madness. The battle is not over. My tasty licks aren't going anywhere.

Quote by The_Blode
^ I've just realised if you say Simple Plan's 2011 effort "Get Your Heart On!" really fast in a Southern American accent, it sounds gross. . .like sexual gross!

Quote by Necroheadbanger
Hello.
I'm looking for professional bongo-ists and triangle-ists to make a Progressive Technical Brutal Death Metal band
(will be called AxOxJxLxAxIxVxXxUxWxZxQxUxRxWxGxJxSxAxLxKxMxNxHxUxGxAxAxWxVxCxBxZxVx)
(Don't even ask what it means)


https://soundcloud.com/95dank



#4
Quote by M00NAGEDAYDREAM
I remember being 15 and having several guns pointed at me by cops

now that was a weird day


I remember one day where I nearly murdered someone, someone tried to murder me, and I had a psychotic break all in one day. I felt like I was in FNAF or something because I was seeing and hearing s***.

Now that was a weird day.
Just a teenage girl who loves playing guitar way too much, if that's even possible.

I live for my girlfriend. <3
#5
Transistors>tubes tbh
Eat your pheasant
Drink your wine
Your days are numbered, bourgeois swine!
#7
Quote by Bladez22
Transistors>tubes tbh


Meh. Agree to disagree.
Just a teenage girl who loves playing guitar way too much, if that's even possible.

I live for my girlfriend. <3
#8
Quote by M00NAGEDAYDREAM
Yeah but



I'm not on Wifi right now.

Edit: TBH I probably deserved to have someone try and murder me. Eye for an eye.
Just a teenage girl who loves playing guitar way too much, if that's even possible.

I live for my girlfriend. <3
Last edited by gogiregion at Jul 7, 2017,
#10
Quote by gogiregion
Meh. Agree to disagree.


Yeah I mean they just sound like a pain because they overheat and eventually break, I cba with that noise seeing as I play pretty much exclusively through headphones anyway

Having said that, best amp I've played on was a blackstar that was a tube I think so I'm a hypocrite
Eat your pheasant
Drink your wine
Your days are numbered, bourgeois swine!
#11
Quote by gogiregion

Edit: TBH I probably deserved to have someone try and murder me. Eye for an eye.


next time kill with kindness
it's how my last dog passed away

Quote by Pastafarian96
I an evety characyer in this story
#12
Quote by Bladez22
Yeah I mean they just sound like a pain because they overheat and eventually break, I cba with that noise seeing as I play pretty much exclusively through headphones anyway

Having said that, best amp I've played on was a blackstar that was a tube I think so I'm a hypocrite


I just really enjoy cranking up a tube amp really loud, and jamming out to amazing sounding music.

No, you're not a hypocrite. You just think the downsides outweigh the benefits. Nothing wrong with that.

Quote by M00NAGEDAYDREAM
next time kill with kindness
it's how my last dog passed away


But knives are much better murder weapons... I probably won't ever try again, but you know. I still enjoy knives, but now I'm a bigger fan of razor blades. My inner psychopath is showing, isn't it...
Just a teenage girl who loves playing guitar way too much, if that's even possible.

I live for my girlfriend. <3
Last edited by gogiregion at Jul 7, 2017,
#13
that sucks 

take a lesson from king buzzo and find a sunn beta lead or some other high quality solid state amp 
~don't finkdinkle when ur supposed to be dimpdickin~
#14
Quote by Bladez22
Yeah I mean they just sound like a pain because they overheat and eventually break, I cba wigot th that noise seeing as I play pretty much exclusively through headphones anyway

Having said that, best amp I've played on was a blackstar that was a tube I think so I'm a hypocrite

Yeah this is basically what I've always thought about tube amps, never bothered buying one. They do sound nice though.

I got a Yamaha THR10X a few months ago and I love it. SS amps can sound nice.
#15
ss cleans are g.o.a.t. 
ive never heard a tube clean as pretty as a jc120 
~don't finkdinkle when ur supposed to be dimpdickin~
#16
Quote by M00NAGEDAYDREAM
I remember being 15 and having several guns pointed at me by cops

now that was a weird day


mate
O.K.

“There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.”
~ Bill Watterson


O__o
#17
I like how me describing my day turned into a tube vs SS debate.
Just a teenage girl who loves playing guitar way too much, if that's even possible.

I live for my girlfriend. <3
#18
it's 2017

who even plays guitar any more, let alone prefers tubes or even has an proper amp
O.K.

“There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.”
~ Bill Watterson


O__o
#19
Quote by Bladez22
Yeah I mean they just sound like a pain because they overheat and eventually break, I cba with that noise seeing as I play pretty much exclusively through headphones anyway
that "problem" is really overestimated tbh

tube amps are about as reliable as ss only you can usually tell what's wrong and fix it when a tube amp stops working

anyway get an amplifire like me and the rest of gg&a are doing

Quote by Primus2112
ss cleans are g.o.a.t. 
ive never heard a tube clean as pretty as a jc120 
i have - a fender twin
but I would call that as pretty rather than prettier; the jc is the (pretty much only) bona fide legendary ss amp

Quote by gogiregion
I just want somewhere to share stuff (because I need the release)
get a tumblr
Quote by H4T3BR33D3R
Youre officially uber shit now.

Quote by StewieSwan
3d9310rd is far more upset than i 
Last edited by K33nbl4d3 at Jul 7, 2017,
#21
You're planning on eating nothing for a week and your mum is like, "Bye lol."

Mother of the year.
#22
Quote by Spinnerweb
You're planning on eating nothing for a week and your mum is like, "Bye lol."

Mother of the year.

Ах, так вы не пьете и не курите?
Хорошо для вас: вы здоровым умрете!
#24
(because that's what teenage girls do, because estrogen just makes you cry 24/7)

(again, estrogen)


 

I INVESTIGATED ON THE INTERNET HOW I SHOULD BE BEHAVING NOW THAT IM A REAL LIFE GIRL
O what a disgrace if such a despised and base race, which worships demons, should conquer a people which has the faith of omnipotent God and is made glorious with the name of Christ!

The music winners listen to
#26
tbh I don't really believe almost anything TS says. Just seems like a typical teenager making stuff up to sound edgy.
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#27
Quote by M00NAGEDAYDREAM
I remember being 15 and having several guns pointed at me by cops

now that was a weird day

*record scratch * *freeze frame*

"I bet you're wondering how I got here..."

*Baba O'Reilly*
Quote by Mr E Meat
this is your brain

this is your brain on RT

Quote by Standard_A440
Given that you reside in the shade of the natural light of reason, I will defer doing your homework to you.
#28
Quote by theogonia777
tbh I don't really believe almost anything TS says. Just seems like a typical teenager making stuff up to sound edgy.


Okay. You don't have to believe me.
Just a teenage girl who loves playing guitar way too much, if that's even possible.

I live for my girlfriend. <3
#29
Quote by Pastafarian96
I mean there's not agreeing on the legitimacy of transgenderism
And then there's being a douche


While I agree that MHDrunk is being an asshat as is usually the case, I do feel like TS is constantly trying to push this idea like "well, I'm on hormones so I'm an expert at being a typical teenage girl" or however you want to word it. The fact of the matter is that nobody is comoletely typical and nobody fully knows the subjective experience of anyone else. Being transgender, you're just not a typical *insert your identified gender here* because you have missed out on cultural experiences of childhood that help to shape you into a typical *insert your identified gender here* the same way someone who has lived as that gender their whole life. Gender identity is one thing, but gender is a largely cultural thing. Once you get to thirty or something and have been experiencing life as your identified gender, you have that subjective cultural experience.

Like imagine if you up and moved to Paris and started talking about how you're a typical Parisien. You spent your whole life in Australia and don't have that experience of growing up in Paris and don't know the culture in customs from first hand experience. Once you have lived there for a number of years, you take in the culure and know firsthand what a day, week, month, year, etc in the life of a typical Parisien is like.

Say what you will, but that's how I see it.
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#30
Quote by gogiregion
Okay. You don't have to believe me.

what did you find so weird about your day?
To me it sounds like a pretty normal day other than crying over an amp. But then again i think eveything breaks on me and im constantly fixing something
#31
Quote by gogiregion
Okay. You don't have to believe me.


I've known people with all kinds of psychological problems. It's just not something you going bragging about to the world like it's some medal if honor. It's something you keep hidden unless it becomes necessary to tell to people that are close to you. When you say "I'm 15 and I almost murdered someone with a knife. I'm such a psychopath" it's like... people don't brag about that to strangers. That's something that if it's legitimate, you keep it to yourself. People don't brag about how mentally sick they are. People don't brag about being hospitalized. People don't brag about how "you have no idea who you are messing with".
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#32
my little amp has been in the basement for over a year and i'm convinced it's inhabited by a cadre of evil spiders who've spent the last year waiting and planning for me to bring it up to my room so they can climb all over me in my sleep.

also they smoke cigarettes.
mugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmug
#33
Quote by theogonia777
While I agree that MHDrunk is being an asshat as is usually the case, I do feel like TS is constantly trying to push this idea like "well, I'm on hormones so I'm an expert at being a typical teenage girl" or however you want to word it. The fact of the matter is that nobody is comoletely typical and nobody fully knows the subjective experience of anyone else. Being transgender, you're just not a typical *insert your identified gender here* because you have missed out on cultural experiences of childhood that help to shape you into a typical *insert your identified gender here* the same way someone who has lived as that gender their whole life. Gender identity is one thing, but gender is a largely cultural thing. Once you get to thirty or something and have been experiencing life as your identified gender, you have that subjective cultural experience.

Like imagine if you up and moved to Paris and started talking about how you're a typical Parisien. You spent your whole life in Australia and don't have that experience of growing up in Paris and don't know the culture in customs from first hand experience. Once you have lived there for a number of years, you take in the culure and know firsthand what a day, week, month, year, etc in the life of a typical Parisien is like.

Say what you will, but that's how I see it.


Or maybe I actually had a female childhood because I lived like that starting at the age of 2. It's more like being born in Australia and moving to Paris as a baby, and you remember almost nothing from Australia except for a few images (I have a very good memory and if I was a good artist, I could drawa very accurate picture of some of those things).

I really do have weird mood swings goingon, though, and it does affect my posting. On my first day of estrogen, I already railed on someone who agreed with me because I misinterpreted them and got really pissed offfor no reason.
Just a teenage girl who loves playing guitar way too much, if that's even possible.

I live for my girlfriend. <3
Last edited by gogiregion at Jul 8, 2017,
#34
What you need is a new blog
___

Quote by The_Blode
she was saying things like... do you want to netflix and chill but just the chill part...too bad she'll never know that I only like the Netflix part...
#35
theogonia777i partly disagree with the notion that one should keep psychological/mental illnesses hidden unless they absolutely have to. of course bragging and romanticizing are bad tho.

realistically, yes, i do essentially keep it a secret in terms of finding a job, etc because despite the fact you can't legally deny employment based on mental health, you're sure as hell unlikely to get hired in most scenarios if you tell an employer you were out of work for a year because you were exhibiting signs of bipolar type 2.

but in my personal life i'm fairly open about it. and not like i blurt it out every possible chance i get, or lead with it when meeting someone for the first time.

i think a lot of the stigma and ignorance/misunderstanding about mental health will continue to perpetuate itself if people continue to stay silent about the realities.
mugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmug
#36
Quote by jakesmellspoo
theogonia777i partly disagree with the notion that one should keep psychological/mental illnesses hidden unless they absolutely have to. of course bragging and romanticizing are bad tho.

realistically, yes, i do essentially keep it a secret in terms of finding a job, etc because despite the fact you can't legally deny employment based on mental health, you're sure as hell unlikely to get hired in most scenarios if you tell an employer you were out of work for a year because you were exhibiting signs of bipolar type 2.

but in my personal life i'm fairly open about it. and not like i blurt it out every possible chance i get, or lead with it when meeting someone for the first time.

i think a lot of the stigma and ignorance/misunderstanding about mental health will continue to perpetuate itself if people continue to stay silent about the realities.


There's a difference between telling your family "here's what's going on with me" and "hey strangers, I'm a psychopath lol" though.
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#37
Quote by N8dagreat3
what did you find so weird about your day?
To me it sounds like a pretty normal day other than crying over an amp. But then again i think eveything breaks on me and im constantly fixing something


I mean, is it not strange for the other things like getting taught how to administer shots?

Quote by theogonia777
I've known people with all kinds of psychological problems. It's just not something you going bragging about to the world like it's some medal if honor. It's something you keep hidden unless it becomes necessary to tell to people that are close to you. When you say "I'm 15 and I almost murdered someone with a knife. I'm such a psychopath" it's like... people don't brag about that to strangers. That's something that if it's legitimate, you keep it to yourself. People don't brag about how mentally sick they are. People don't brag about being hospitalized. People don't brag about how "you have no idea who you are messing with".


Not everyone is the same. Also, people with ASPD have brains wired incredibly differently, and tgere are things like when police learn that someone they are dealing with is a psychopath, they completely take a 180 in approach. I'm only a borderline psychopath, though, and that's why I can actually love (though only with a handful of people. I've got, like, 4 friends)

I legitimately regret not killing them sometimes and then I get really sad.

Quote by jakesmellspoo
theogonia777i partly disagree with the notion that one should keep psychological/mental illnesses hidden unless they absolutely have to. of course bragging and romanticizing are bad tho.

realistically, yes, i do essentially keep it a secret in terms of finding a job, etc because despite the fact you can't legally deny employment based on mental health, you're sure as hell unlikely to get hired in most scenarios if you tell an employer you were out of work for a year because you were exhibiting signs of bipolar type 2.

but in my personal life i'm fairly open about it. and not like i blurt it out every possible chance i get, or lead with it when meeting someone for the first time.

i think a lot of the stigma and ignorance/misunderstanding about mental health will continue to perpetuate itself if people continue to stay silent about the realities.


^ This. People all assume that all mentality ill people are the same.
Just a teenage girl who loves playing guitar way too much, if that's even possible.

I live for my girlfriend. <3
#38
Quote by theogonia777
I've known people with all kinds of psychological problems. It's just not something you going bragging about to the world like it's some medal if honor. It's something you keep hidden unless it becomes necessary to tell to people that are close to you. When you say "I'm 15 and I almost murdered someone with a knife. I'm such a psychopath" it's like... people don't brag about that to strangers. That's something that if it's legitimate, you keep it to yourself. People don't brag about how mentally sick they are. People don't brag about being hospitalized. People don't brag about how "you have no idea who you are messing with".

Thats right however you're not thinking like a 15 year old thats introducing estrogen into their body. if op had to explain to everyone that they met that they were transgender you would start to form a pattern. Explaining yourself to everyone especially if people challenged you would eventually change your mindset where you would feel as if everything is an attack. Therefore you would be armed with examples of experiences to justify yourself.
#40
Quote by gogiregion
like when police learn that someone they are dealing with is a psychopath, they completely take a 180 in approach.

[...]

I legitimately regret not killing them sometimes and then I get really sad.


Hmmm... I wonder why the police would treat you differently.
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
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