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#1
How do be social and not a curmudgeonly old person?
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Quote by Rossenrot
Aig91 Atomizes Rossenrot Before Offering Mercy In Exchange For Wholesale Genuflection
#2
Parties suck. Give me a quiet night at home, any day.
RIP Tom Searle.
#4
Will this be your first time interacting with the human race?
UG BLS Chapter.
SDMF#UG001
SDMF#UG002-faqu
SDMF#UG003-pantera-nat124
#5
what strange things you'll see




#6
Get druuuuuunk!
BOOM-SHAKALAKALAKA-BOOM-SHAKALAKUNGA
#9
Quote by jrcsgtpeppers
There shall be a stop to this madness. The battle is not over. My tasty licks aren't going anywhere.

Quote by The_Blode
^ I've just realised if you say Simple Plan's 2011 effort "Get Your Heart On!" really fast in a Southern American accent, it sounds gross. . .like sexual gross!

Quote by Necroheadbanger
Hello.
I'm looking for professional bongo-ists and triangle-ists to make a Progressive Technical Brutal Death Metal band
(will be called AxOxJxLxAxIxVxXxUxWxZxQxUxRxWxGxJxSxAxLxKxMxNxHxUxGxAxAxWxVxCxBxZxVx)
(Don't even ask what it means)


https://soundcloud.com/95dank



#10
Quote by whywefight
Try talking
Que? I'm sorry I don't understand?
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Quote by Rossenrot
Aig91 Atomizes Rossenrot Before Offering Mercy In Exchange For Wholesale Genuflection
#11
Quote by Mr_Zakk_Wylde
Will this be your first time interacting with the human race?
Yes. The humans are odd.
Quote by snipelfritz
Get druuuuuunk!

Quote by neidnarb11890
alcohol tbhtbh

Bruhs, it's like you know me and all my coping mechanisms.
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Quote by Rossenrot
Aig91 Atomizes Rossenrot Before Offering Mercy In Exchange For Wholesale Genuflection
#12
jaketip #36 - drink too fast and end up leaving early and puking on your bedroom floor
jaketip #420 - smoke a bunch of weed with a stranger then get real weird and go to hide in your car and fall asleep until 2am
jaketip#2 - complete panic attack. chain smoke cigarettes in the backyard, making it worse, then quietly slip away without saying goodbye to anyone
jaketip#62 - pee in beer bottles and hide them behind the DJ's amp or somewhere around the house (idk, this might be difficult for you)

and in less downer things: play the fruit hiding game. if the homeowner has a bowl of fruit, take said fruits and hide them in plain sight all over the house.
mugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmug
#13
Quote by jakesmellspoo
jaketip #36 - drink too fast and end up leaving early and puking on your bedroom floor
jaketip #420 - smoke a bunch of weed with a stranger then get real weird and go to hide in your car and fall asleep until 2am
jaketip#2 - complete panic attack. chain smoke cigarettes in the backyard, making it worse, then quietly slip away without saying goodbye to anyone
jaketip#62 - pee in beer bottles and hide them behind the DJ's amp or somewhere around the house (idk, this might be difficult for you)
gonna jump on this

philstip #9 - when the hot person your crushing on shows up take a quadruple shot of whiskey before talking to them
philstip #38 - drink much more, talk to everyone, and black out for a while
philstip #38.5 - fall down and just lay there for a while until someone helps you up
philstip #39 - cuddle up with the hot person on the couch later on and just pass out
philstip #3 - wake up the next morning (alone) and then go eat chick fil a
___

Quote by The_Blode
she was saying things like... do you want to netflix and chill but just the chill part...too bad she'll never know that I only like the Netflix part...
#14
Quote by jakesmellspoo
jaketip #36 - drink too fast and end up leaving early and puking on your bedroom floor
jaketip #420 - smoke a bunch of weed with a stranger then get real weird and go to hide in your car and fall asleep until 2am
jaketip#2 - complete panic attack. chain smoke cigarettes in the backyard, making it worse, then quietly slip away without saying goodbye to anyone
jaketip#62 - pee in beer bottles and hide them behind the DJ's amp or somewhere around the house (idk, this might be difficult for you)

and in less downer things: play the fruit hiding game. if the homeowner has a bowl of fruit, take said fruits and hide them in plain sight all over the house.
Tag yourself I'm jaketip#2
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Quote by Rossenrot
Aig91 Atomizes Rossenrot Before Offering Mercy In Exchange For Wholesale Genuflection
#15
primustip #4: drink as much whiskey as you can immediately so you can be fun especially if you can't hold your liquor

primustip #13: spill some of every drink you have after the as much whiskey as you can part

primustip #14: butcher the christ out of a classic 90s jam

primustip #17: try to play drinking games and fail, then spend most of the night smoking cigarettes outside

primustip #17a: smoke weed out of a one hitter all night between drinks and really fuck yr shit up fam lmao

primustip #21: stumble into the bathroom and throw up all over the hosts toilet and clean 99% of it up

primustip #34: smoke a fat bowl with the host at the end of the night so he won't hate you for being a drunkass dildo at his party, right as the alcohol starts to make you feel sick instead of good that way you'll feel like you might not wake up if you go to sleep

primustip #35: go to sleep

primustip #40: sleep for 6 4 hours, then go to work hungover than a motherfucker


actual tip: don't forget the h2o
~don't finkdinkle when ur supposed to be dimpdickin~
Last edited by Primus2112 at Aug 19, 2017,
#16
take me with you tbh I could use a party and we could talk about ug or something if we can't find anything to talk about with other people

semi-joking
You are now using UG Black.
You are now using UG Classic.


Listening to: Coltrane


The apple always falls close to the tree, but the tree always falls on the power lines.
#17
Quote by Wolfinator-x
take me with you tbh I could use a party and we could talk about ug or something if we can't find anything to talk about with other people

semi-joking

If you're ever in the south suburbs of Chicago I will
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Quote by Rossenrot
Aig91 Atomizes Rossenrot Before Offering Mercy In Exchange For Wholesale Genuflection
#18
Quote by aig91
If you're ever in the south suburbs of Chicago I will
Dang that's two UGers in one night who offer to hang out with me.

I'm on a roll.

for real Chicago looks nice, if you ignore the violence
You are now using UG Black.
You are now using UG Classic.


Listening to: Coltrane


The apple always falls close to the tree, but the tree always falls on the power lines.
#19
Drink neat spirits straight from the bottle and snort lots of cocaine. People will think you're super cool. 
I have nothing important to say
#20
Quote by aig91
How do be social and not a curmudgeonly old person?

Don't go.

"I love crowds."
"But you hate people!"
"Ironic."
--Clerks
Guitar/Bass:
Schecter: Damien 6/Stilletto Extreme 5, Squier: Bullet HSS*, Washburn RX10*/WG-587, Agile Septor 727
*mods

Amps/FX
Peavey: Vypyr 30/Max 112 (200W), ISP: Decimator

Quote by dannyalcatraz
Understood- I waste money on amps*, too.

justinguitar.com is the answer
#22
dont talk and see how everyone slowly gets drunker and drunker, haha. some humans are good and some are bad.
#24
moontip #3: find the owner's dogs (or cats) and hang out with them

Quote by Pastafarian96
I an evety characyer in this story
#25
Quote by eduardongua
dont talk and see how everyone slowly gets drunker and drunker, haha. some humans are good and some are bad.

Jesus Christ, you're weak.

I'm curious to see your response to amphetamines. lol
Quote by M00NAGEDAYDREAM
moontip #3: find the owner's dogs (or cats) and hang out with them

Animals are better people than people.
SGT. HARTMAN: Where in hell are you from anyway, Private?
COWBOY: Sir, Texas, sir!
SGT. HARTMAN: Holy dogshit! Texas! Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy! And you don't look much like a steer to me, so that kinda narrows it down!! Do you suck dicks!?
COWBOY: Sir, no, sir!
SGT. HARTMAN: Are you a peter-puffer!?
COWBOY: Sir, no, sir!
SGT. HARTMAN: I'll bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around! I'll be watching you!!
Last edited by Zaphikh at Aug 19, 2017,
#26
1. When talking to your target, smile, hold eye contact for 3 seconds, then move on to the nose, lips, then back to the eyes
2. Say "tell me more about ...." if something interests you
3. Move 3 inches closer to his/her face as he/she speaks then back off and touch hands or chest or shoulder briefly
4. When moving your face closer, let him/her smell your fresh breath
5. Smell his/her breath to help evaluate overall health/dental health
6. Ask if he/she thinks you can be very good at whatever his/her interest
7. Ask if he/she has a pet
8. Check out the condition of his/her arm muscles, chest, legs, etc. to determine if they're soft or solid or in the right stage to handle you and your other physical demands/activities.

Good luck!
#27
Quote by Ippon
1. When talking to your target, smile, hold eye contact for 3 seconds, then move on to the nose, lips, then back to the eyes
2. Say "tell me more about ...." if something interests you
3. Move 3 inches closer to his/her face as he/she speaks then back off and touch hands or chest or shoulder briefly
4. When moving your face closer, let him/her smell your fresh breath
5. Smell his/her breath to help evaluate overall health/dental health
6. Ask if he/she thinks you can be very good at whatever his/her interest
7. Ask if he/she has a pet
8. Check out the condition of his/her arm muscles, chest, legs, etc. to determine if they're soft or solid or in the right stage to handle you and your other physical demands/activities.

Good luck!

How to spot a sociopath, 101.

1. If you retain a pattern in how you look at people, then they are just passing objects for you to try to swoon/gain benefit. They aren't really people to you, are they? They're just pattern exercises, yeah? Every single person you meet is a unique interaction, whether you like it or not. Never pigeonhole folks into a single algorithm for your benefit. They see and know what you're trying to do.
2. Stop being selfish.
3. If any fucker tries to pull off this maneuver, they'll be 3 inches closer to my fist, because I already know what they're doing: gaining favor for nothing.
4. Never breathe on people. Ever. You've already demonstrated that they're merely patterns for you to play with, don't expel your spit on them. That's nasty. And rude.
5. That's fucking creepy, and overly-presumptuous.
6. Tool.
7. Actually a good topic. Absolutely nothing wrong with this question.
8. That's fucking creepy, and overly-presumptuous.

No luck needed! Just common decency.

Edit: Ippon, I don't atually think you're a sociopath, but I cannot sit still with your advice (besides pets; a person who loves and cares for an animal is a good person). Please take that in the kindest way possible.
SGT. HARTMAN: Where in hell are you from anyway, Private?
COWBOY: Sir, Texas, sir!
SGT. HARTMAN: Holy dogshit! Texas! Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy! And you don't look much like a steer to me, so that kinda narrows it down!! Do you suck dicks!?
COWBOY: Sir, no, sir!
SGT. HARTMAN: Are you a peter-puffer!?
COWBOY: Sir, no, sir!
SGT. HARTMAN: I'll bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around! I'll be watching you!!
Last edited by Zaphikh at Aug 19, 2017,
#28
Zaphikh , if there's mutual attraction, how do you proceed in your evaluation for a proper fit or future follow-ups?  If the person has absolutely no interest, why even bother with the testing bits? It'll be creepy and presumptuous indeed.

No worries, this is the internet/Pit.
#29
Quote by Ippon
Zaphikh , if there's mutual attraction, how do you proceed in your evaluation for a proper fit or future follow-ups?  If the person has absolutely no interest, why even bother with the testing bits? It'll be creepy and presumptuous indeed.

No worries, this is the internet/Pit.

If there's mutual attraction, you still do not breath upon people. I don't know how else to put it. In fact, the fact I have to explain this, is extremely absurd. Never in my life have I been forced to string the words together in a single thought: do not breathe on people. I suppose all things must come to pass.

Also, don't "test" people unless you're wiling to be "tested" by them, whatever that may mean. Don't use people, lest you're wiling to be abused.

This isn't just "the internet", you're talking to an actual human being who is actively responding to you. Calling it by any other name doesn't change its reality.
SGT. HARTMAN: Where in hell are you from anyway, Private?
COWBOY: Sir, Texas, sir!
SGT. HARTMAN: Holy dogshit! Texas! Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy! And you don't look much like a steer to me, so that kinda narrows it down!! Do you suck dicks!?
COWBOY: Sir, no, sir!
SGT. HARTMAN: Are you a peter-puffer!?
COWBOY: Sir, no, sir!
SGT. HARTMAN: I'll bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around! I'll be watching you!!
#30
This thread is on the internet
Quote by zgr0826
My culture is worthless and absolutely inferior to the almighty Leaf.


Quote by JustRooster
I incurred the wrath of the Association of White Knights. Specifically the Parent's Basement branch of service.
#31
Right, I forgot, the internet is just a series of tubes. Silly me.
SGT. HARTMAN: Where in hell are you from anyway, Private?
COWBOY: Sir, Texas, sir!
SGT. HARTMAN: Holy dogshit! Texas! Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy! And you don't look much like a steer to me, so that kinda narrows it down!! Do you suck dicks!?
COWBOY: Sir, no, sir!
SGT. HARTMAN: Are you a peter-puffer!?
COWBOY: Sir, no, sir!
SGT. HARTMAN: I'll bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around! I'll be watching you!!
#32
At least you came to your senses
Quote by zgr0826
My culture is worthless and absolutely inferior to the almighty Leaf.


Quote by JustRooster
I incurred the wrath of the Association of White Knights. Specifically the Parent's Basement branch of service.
#33
Quote by H4T3BR33D3R
At least you came to your senses
...is what she said, putting away the incense and music.
You are now using UG Black.
You are now using UG Classic.


Listening to: Coltrane


The apple always falls close to the tree, but the tree always falls on the power lines.
#34
Consider yourself lucky to even get a party invitation, I've heard there are people who got to fight for their right to party
WHAT A
HORRIBLE
NIGHT TO
HAVE A
CURSE.
#36
Of the two links in my signature, memorise the one that isn't a poem, and if you're ever caught in the company of people you don't like, start blathering on about the history of a musical instrument with as little vigour as possible
A poem.
Quote by yoman297
no girl, movember isnt for you. shave your stache pls

I can out-bore you any day
#37
Quote by aig91
How do be social and not a curmudgeonly old person?

"hey how are you?"

"good, thanks for asking."


That's how tinder works and it nets you lots of a babes
#38
Quote by severed-metal
"hey how are you?"

"good, thanks for asking."


That's how tinder works and it nets you lots of a babes

Wow. Sounds complicated. Not sure I understand.
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Quote by Rossenrot
Aig91 Atomizes Rossenrot Before Offering Mercy In Exchange For Wholesale Genuflection
#39
cleavage and/or alcohol.


chat loads of shit but try to avoid saying anything too fucked up and you'll have a good time.
O.K.

“There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.”
~ Bill Watterson


O__o
#40
here's a neat little party trick guaranteed to make everybody laugh!

WHAT A
HORRIBLE
NIGHT TO
HAVE A
CURSE.
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