#1
This is a song I just finished. Tell me what you think.
Leave a link and i'll crit.

Think acoustic like Bright Eyes.

I have passed a million railroad ties,
waiting for this dawn.
This is my morning light prize.
As the sun spills on the pavement.
Its not something I can hold on to,
but it's the best I've ever had,
the best I've ever had.

I swear the glare,
from your eye,
it is enough to blind.
Well it could blind a
thousand men,
but then agian,
that was always
a gift that you had.

And the soles of these,
worn out shoes,
are starting to look bruised,
starting to look used.
That's okay cause they're a
trophy of,
all the cut scenes,
of
walks into the sun.

I have passed a million railroad ties,
waiting for this dawn.
This is my morning light prize.
As the sun spills on the pavement.
Its not something I can hold on to,
but it's the best I've ever had,
the best I've ever had.

I was born again,
when my eyes opened up.
Though I was slightly shaken,
I felt a new kind of trust.

I'm sure that
everyword wasn't wasted,
though I lost a few to space,
when it's all said and
I'm sure they'll all be in their place.
Painting pictures of the sunsets,
That I was expecting.

I have passed a million railroad ties,
waiting for this dawn.
This is my morning light prize.
As the sun spills on the pavement.
Its not something I can hold on to,
but it's the best I've ever had,
the best I've ever had.








Crit for Crit
When the going gets wierd, the wierd turn pro
- Hunter S. Thompson
Last edited by PlasticChair123 at May 4, 2006,
#3
Thanks for fixing

I really enjoyed this little piece. Especailly the last line of the cut scenes of walks into the sun...my english class is doing a poetry unit and I'll have to use that one.

Just real quickly though, you spelled 'again' wrong where it says "but then again."

They say the old woman's got the wisdom
'Cause she couldn't read the clock anymore
She said "The numbers don't represent the moments"
Says she don't see what all the ticking's for
#4
thanks...i changed that rhyme around...i think it sounds less forced now, and I finished the song.
When the going gets wierd, the wierd turn pro
- Hunter S. Thompson