#1
ok well this is about one of my friends who wants to kill herself cuz shes a misfit. plz crit

Misfit

She's a misfit, in denial,
Pulling the trigger, scuicidal,
She's so confused, she's losing her mind,
She screams in silence,
Trying to kill the pain and nonsense,
She's so confused, she's losing her mind,

Can you carry on,
With a world so unkind?
Can you carry on,
Without losing your mind?

She's a misfit,
She's a misfit,
She's a misfit,
she's a misfit,

She cries with revulsion,
The revulsion that she feels against you,
She's so confused, she's losing her mind,
She sulks in her room,
To take a drug or two,
She's so confused, she's losing her mind,

Can you carry on,
With a world so unkind?
Can you carry on,
Without losing your mind?

She's a misfit,
She's a misfit,
She's a misfit,
She's a misfit,

Hope you like. plz crit
#2
It's ok.....kinda cliche and i didn't really get any feeling from it.
When the going gets wierd, the wierd turn pro
- Hunter S. Thompson
#4
just vary it and use metaphors and literary devices so people can get a feel for it and most of all originality! the line she screams in silence is a line from a green day song and if she is a misfit like u say, tell her u care about her and that she won't b a reject forever!
#5
She's a misfit,
She's a misfit,
She's a misfit,
she's a misfit

Didnt really like that bit, the way it sounds in my head, it sounds corny.

The screams in silence thing, i wouldnt worry about that too much, no matter what you write its likely that something very close to it has been written before. That said, its different if you are actually listening to songs and taking the lyrics straight out of it....dont do that.

The chorus isnt bad, my thought was that instead of that "shes a misfit" part at the end, write an altered chorus, and use statements instead of questions in the 2nd chorus, possibly even in some way answer the questions posed in th 1st chorus. As far as cutting out the first "shes a misfit" part goes, id chuck in an instrumental bit (solo, strings whatever suits the song)
Well done

Now go give your friend a hug, then crit mine :P
>>>https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=353475<<<
Last edited by f_ck_it at May 4, 2006,
#6
I can almost guarantee you had no clue the word "misfit" existed, until you got into Glenn Danzig's "Misfits"