#1
Hey this is the most recent song I wrote. Basically it's just a simple love song but it felt right with the music I had written. It's an acoustic rock ballad I guess.

I'm so glad I've found you
Never thought this day would come
Where you fill the dark around you
Because you shine like the sun

And how do we...

Keep strong,
And hold on?
'Cause you're my inspiration
And you're why I wrote this song
Because you and I belong

And my every day is simple
Now that you are here with me
'Cause you take away the pain I feel
Yeah you kill my misery

So please won't you...

Hold on,
And keep strong?
And we'll find our destination
We'll be home before too long

So keep on
And keep strong
'Cause you're my inspiration
And you're why I'm holding on
You're why I'm holding on
Yeah you're why I'm holding on
Just say you're holding on
#2
I figure, the first line of any literary work should captivate. Your first line did anything but captivate or pull me in, perhaps use a metaphor for your love. Make people think, I hate being blantley sold the whole "I love you" bit without effort.

Take a look at my piece of work, Sodden Flesh Makes A Feast
#3
Quote by goo_fan
Where you fill the dark around you
Because you shine like the sun

i think the two lines doesn't connect with each other.. i get what you mean, like, u fill the dark with ur light? but it's poorly stated.

Quote by goo_fan
And how do we...

Keep strong,
And hold on?
'Cause you're my inspiration

what? ur asking how u would keep strong.. because she's ur inspiration? still, doesn't connect..

Quote by goo_fan
Now that you are here with me

i think it'll sound better if u use "you're" instead of "you are" here..

Quote by goo_fan
Hold on,
And keep strong?
And we'll find our destination
We'll be home before too long

in the 3rd line, "and" seems inappropriate... u can have "soon we'll find our destination, we'll be home before too long..."

but generally i think it's decent... try to consider the above, though.. crit mine.. thanks, and good luck ^^;
#4
hey thanks for the crit....the reason i put the 'keep strong, and hold on?' part as a question is because it follows on from the pre-chorus 'how do we...'
#5
Quote by goo_fan
hey thanks for the crit....the reason i put the 'keep strong, and hold on?' part as a question is because it follows on from the pre-chorus 'how do we...'

umm yeah, i get that, but why is the answer "cause you're my inspiration"? it doesnt actually answer the question, u get what i mean? ^^;
#6
ALright well in the first stanza you rhyme the word "you" with "you"....might wanna fix that. Other than that it is very cliche. Doesn't use any metaphors eccept for the one that doesnt make sense. Just need to put more feeling into it and go deeper into your thoughts or somethin man. Keep tryin
"Lovin' a music man ain't always what its supposed to be"