#1
Hello, all, I think this is probably my first or second post, so bear with me for a little while...this is a song I finished recently. It may seem very political, and all of my music is open to interpretation, but its not what I wrote it about. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this, tell me whats good, bad, anything like that...


Here from a regal view
Is the world I?ve created
The vision of a perfect kingdom
Not a piece out of place
Not a crooked, awkward frame
I?m glad to say welcome home
The time you too was such a waste

Here from a fetal view
Is this place that I call home
Safety in a crowd comes easy
Such a beautiful day
In my perfect world
Never a second alone
Surely to make you feel safe

And I, I would sell it all
To spend an hour in your?
World

What did I do to be worthy
I sat down and played your game
Two steps, checkmate, done
Who could deny my right

And I, I?d waste it all away
To spend an hour in your?
Perfect, imperfection

Just one more day of this
Then I can be free of it all
Give me a day to pay this debt
I?d give it to you if I could
But I can?t just wish it all away
It takes a long time
Long time to force a kingdom down

A carnivore
A cannibal
It eats itself alive now
From the outside in
Seven days to go?

I?m thankful, grateful
For this chance to be taken away
20000 Hours of paradise
One can only take so much

It looks like you?ve found your way
Its your chance to spend a day
In my world, I might day
In a self-destructive way

I give this to you
#2
i liked how the entire song build a path for the last line "I give this to you"... everything connected weLL and I found the simpLe word choices great for the song... :p overaLL rating... i'd say an 8/10.. :p im stiLL learning and I just started writing songs.. so... that's jst my opinion... i enjoyed reading the lyrics.. :p i'd appreciate if u heLp me out in my song too... "all about you" is the titLe.. any crit would be appreciated.. :p
#3
That was freaking hawt! Seriously, I really liked it, this bit in particular:
A carnivore
A cannibal
It eats itself alive now
From the outside in
Seven days to go?

Very, very good.
Quote by Mascot
yuR a fAggit
#4
hey kids, I guess when this copied out of word I missed a part, here is the final part of the song, tell me what you think, and if I should leave it off...

Here from a regal view
Is my world I?ve destroyed
The beauty now lies in ruins
Every piece out of place
Perfect pictures torn away
I give this gift to you
What a world, what a waste
#5
They lyrics make sense and flow well, but the rhymes seemed to be scattered randomly around the song, and I'm not a big fan of that... But other than that, great.
#6
You need to put outsomething that people will like. You rhyming scheme was a little out of wack, and people like words that flow together. Work on it and repost it. Spend a couple days on it. Overall......6/10