#1
***
Neither a little or more would I have changed, since the spark was lit within the public eye. Testing, then washing, I honestly have no one here or there to stop me. But when it amounts to something real, I'll be first in line along the avenue set on top of every cloud, through every tower. I smell the bleach and admire at it's improvement, before I would ever think to consume it. "Let them ponder," I think, lighting the matches that I would've thought needed to be dry. It's glow reveals, staggered above the stairs, pictures of them, of they, of those, of all who mattered, turned around so I can see the back of the frames, and the price (tag) that I paid, which was such a bargain. And now all I know is that I can't stand the feel of cotton. That, along with saliva, keeps me awake at night, while I shove all these 'stat sheets' down the throats of all the people who thought I would amount to....what? I never knew the answer, but apparently they did. Now they wish they hadn't. "Let them ponder," I now say out loud, as I light another wet match.
#3
Can I reccomend that you put it in song format, instead of writing it all on one line? It just makes it easier to read.
#4
I do with some of my songs, but this one, to me, seemed to have a better feeling in this format.
#5
I hearts you and I miss reading your work. I really loved this though. There were a couple things that I didn't care for though, for no particular reason too. One of those was the "(tag)" bit, just seemed like it was thrown in there to make the internal rhyme. "Price" alone would have done the trick in that line, I thought. If it's just some subtle thing that I didn't pick up on, then disregard what I said. Actually, that's the only thing I can think of right now, but I'll re-read this later tonight when I have more time and throw out anything else I didn't like. If I don't leave another comment, then that means I loved everything about it.
#6
Thanks, and I know I've been gone for a while, but I'll always come back.

That "(tag)" thingy was an attempt to compare the price on the frames with the price i had paid from letting the people in those pictures influence me. Of course that is just my interpretation, if you got something different out of it, that would be cool to.
#8
It's another fine piece from a talented writer. The theme was slightly too negative for my personal tastes; but that means nothin' overall.
Your imagery is strong, and compliments the tone well and the finishing sentence was effective.
Basically very good, but I think I would've appreciated a different subject myself. Anyway, nice one.
#9
Thanks, yeah, it was a pretty somber subject even for me, but still quite personal.