#1
you left town
with a bible in your hand
and no intentions
of saving anyone
of saving anyone

you said you would
kill anyone
kill anyone
without a bible in their hand

im not looking for the word
i'm not looking for the way
all i ever wanted
was just a little peace

now look what youve got
that aint no bible in your hand
thats blood on your palms
and a life on your shoulders

you had no intentions
of saving anyone
i shwung and i shwinged
but it never really shwang
#4
^ ^ way to be helpful...


I like it actually...it makes me think of Jehovah's Witnesses...no offence to them, I just have had bad experiences with them.

It's really simple though, I would only ask that you expand more on the fourth stanza, tell about the situation that led up to it and stuff.

I don't actually have much to say, except that, I liked the whole idea, I think you should maybe edit it yourself and expand on it a bit more. That's all.

Take a peak at my latest The Reaper if you want.
#5
I really liked the first four lines, but then i thought it was poorly written and worded. also i woudl like the first four lines more if theyr were written like this in stead

You left town with a bible in your hands
And no intentions of saving anyone

I think that flows better. anyways.Maybe take tehi first four lines and create an entirely new piece, that's jsut what i would do.
Can you see in the dark? Can you see the look on your face?
#7
It's okay. Like mentioned above, if it was expanded it would be better.
©Ibanez4