#1
I think that this came sort of from my subconsious...yeah

My muse walked out at quarter past five
Twas the last time I saw her dead or alive
I left my room for a drink at the rushing stream
I heard people laughing then they started to scream
I looked down the creek to a man with a cell phone
He dialed 9-1-1 and he asked me for a loan
I pulled out my wallet and to no ones surprise
It was empty inside except for three dead flies

Tell my wife I love her tell my son I tried
The day is coming when all will fly
Come to the river and drink your fill
Leave with your wings son and take no pills

Ground up earth with a heart beat so sure
Tells me how to write what is pure
Notes sing out clearly from oceans dreary
Calling her people back to the pier
The phone man hangs up his call unanswered
He reaches for my hand and I warn him of cancer
Disease of the body disease of the mind
All are god?s children we stand in a line

Tell my wife I love her tell my son I tried
The day is coming when all will fly
Come to the river and drink your fill
Leave with your wings son and take no pills
#3
I don't get the message that much. But good rhymes and nice flow. Good work.
#5
rhymes are waaaaaaaaaaaay too forced, occasionaly you make it work, but some dont make any sense.
i would rather staple my own hands to a train, than pray on knees that judge and blame.
#9
Quote by tuerte_gucho
Dude this makes no sense at all, but I gotta tell you...it kicks.


haha thanks dude I rarely make sense with waht I write.

oh and other dude that replied right after this guy. I agree with you I'm going to take some stuff from the 3rd stanza and expand on that I think.