#1
Got some good feedback on 'Diseased Louise' so far - TVM guys! So here's another...

"I never heard the warning signs
When she came across the dancefloor
Foundation on her face trowelled on
Like a halloween mask that's for sure

But when she locked her sights on me
And gave my nuts a tender squeeze
Whispering into my ears, with ease
Making sexual promises I couldn't believe

CHORUS:

I left the boys behind not knowing what would come next
A guy will do anything with the promise of sex
But I didn't realise everyone was laughing at me
And at the fox I'd picked up, who was really a he...

We finally got a cubicle
In the ladies, it was sweet
She sat me on the toilet bowl
And dropped onto her knees

She pulled out every inch of me
And ate and chomped and spat
But I knew that something wasn't right
As jizzum landed on the mat

CHORUS

MIDDLE EIGHT:
Oh my surprise when I went back for some more kissin'
To find my lovely lady in the bathroom, standing up and pissin'!

I waited in a back alley
Until after closing time
And pulled this tranny into the shadows
My turn to show HIM a good time

But in the halflight of the night
I knew I didn't really want to fight
He kisses me and then says 'please'
To my surprise, I drop down on my knees...

CHORUS to fade...
#4
Mate thats a real funny and clever little piece, especially the way you ended it, brilliant. It reminds of a time it nearly happened to me, in a Camden(London) nightclub, but luckily when I got close enough to chew her muff I saw how fricking ugly she/he was and politely backed away, phew

Anyways that aint worth critting, cause it is just plain entertaining

Cheers mate
#5
Quote by Malakian=God
That is really weird. Im now afraid of every girl whoever comes on to me

Couldn't have put it better myself.

Ok well this song is quite well written in my mind. It seems more like a poem to me for some reason. The flow is good and the rhyme works quite well, even though it seems forced. Still I like it, its hilarious. Is it a true story? Overall I'll give it a 8/10.
If you have time to crit mine it woudl be appreciated, the link is in my sig. Thanks.
If The Archers Bows Have Broken, Then I Hope To God They Know How To Fight.
#6
Thanks. For a moment I was worried people realise it was supposed to be humourous.

As to whether or it's true... You ever that old saying, "Always write what you know"?
#7
BRILLIANT!
I love it man, niiiiice one. I liked Diseased Louise too =)
Quote by calvinthecanadi
I'm now an official Franzaholic.


Meep is a word.
Use it.