#1
hey guys,i had this recorded but for some reason it wouldnt work,i apologize-just let me know what you think of this,its not completely and totally finished,but yeah here we go-

"and I Miss You"

Maybe its the envy is what one says
Maybe its the realization that youre really missing from my heart
two simple but complex reasonings;tracking through my mind
I'm sure its those deep blue eyes;i tend to get lost in
Or your gentle touch..upon my skin
That three-worded phrase that speaks of your lips
-driving me in circles

sorry for taking so much time
you know youre constantly on my mind

and its come down to the conclusion,
my final decision..

and i miss you..
i miss you so badly
and i miss you..
oh so badly.
and i miss you


your cold hands,at the beginning of the date
the warm prescence of your warm embrace..

forgive me of my weaknesses
im sorry i let my fears get the best of me
forgive me of my weaknesses..
You can have the best of me

and i miss you..
i miss you so badly
and i miss you..
oh so badly.
and i miss you

my final decision..
i miss you.


yeah crit 4 crit-- thanks
#2
"and I Miss You"

Maybe its the envy is what one says
Maybe its the realization that youre really missing from my heart
two simple but complex reasonings;tracking through my mind
I'm sure its those deep blue eyes;i tend to get lost in
Or your gentle touch..upon my skin
That three-worded phrase that speaks of your lips
-driving me in circles


Some cliche play here, but that is alright as long as it is not overused. There is some slight structural problems here that you might want to address; such as puncuation and line spacing. Nothing major. I cannon't really give you any rewrite advice because overall it is ok.

sorry for taking so much time
you know youre constantly on my mind

and its come down to the conclusion,
my final decision..

Nothing to say here, marginal passage

and i miss you..
i miss you so badly
and i miss you..
oh so badly.
and i miss you

I guessing this is the chorus. It does play heavy on cliched repetition, BUT if when you do indeed sing it, I very much hope you can sing it well because it would sound great

your cold hands,at the beginning of the date
the warm prescence of your warm embrace..

forgive me of my weaknesses
im sorry i let my fears get the best of me
forgive me of my weaknesses..
You can have the best of me

The first line ending with 'date' im not entirely finding that to my liking, but that stanza below is wonderfull. I really did enjoy that.


Overall it is solid, but requires some work. I really hope I can hear it sung, sounds like a very heartfelt song. Keep it up!

If you have the time please drop by my piece:
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=5524597#post5524597
Originally posted by turinbrakes
actually YOU SUCK


"I once read a poem, held my breath
But that moment's gone
First time I felt life, somewhat hurts
Need an option and some hope "

Anders Fridén
#3
thank you,i appreciate the crit..oh yeah i know there is structural problem,i want really worried about it right now bc its not done.. and yes,the music and singing sounds GREAT with it,the chorus sounds really good..i like how i have it done,im not changing the music what so ever cause i dunno,it stays in the back of my mind and i think that is a good thing. thanks for the crit! im about to get to yours!