#1
(Okay, I've thought of a more serious song. I'd like your guys opinion.)

Tell me what it means to me
Tell me why it has to be
Why won't this world just let me be
Forever free

Maybe i've had too much to drink
Maybe i'm just rambling on again
Wishing I could dance in the rain
Or maybe i'm just insane

Break these chains surrounding me
It could be me or it could be them
Holding me back again
From ever being what I want to be
Forever free
#3
it's short not like mine (arent though). but what's up with dancing in the rain?
#4
um... it doesnt sound like it has song quality at all.
it just sounds like a peom to me, but if you can pull it off i don't think it'll be a bad song
#5
the ryhme scheme for your 1st stanza was AAAA... which kinda made it boring... i learned that when writing songs... you should keep your audience interested.... and to tell you the truth... i didn't even read the last stanza.... nywayz... practice makes perfect... this is just a stepping stone for you... keep writing! :p