#1
Today is out to get me

Verse


Crossed my heart, four ways since Wednesday,
My life was an art, with you painting the picture,
And now it?s half finished, I don?t know what to do,
If this keeps up I?ll be breaking down soon,

Pre-Chorus

Watching out now, any glimpse or sign,
Watching out now, all I need is time?

Chorus x 2

Sum it up, Spit me out,
Turn around, Take me down,
Cause I know, I'll never be your favorite (Favorite?)

Verse

I?m sitting in my room, all because of you,
I?ve never felt this way, and I don?t think I?m about to stay,
I can see the darkness loom, I?m wondering what to do,
Because of things I?ve seen today, I?ve got to get away

Pre-chorus

I?m looking around; I don?t know what to do,
I?m looking around; I just have no clue?

Chorus x 2

Bridge/Interlude

If I keep saying something,
Maybe it will be true: ?I hate you?
You remind me, of every stupid choice that I?ve made,
My voice means nothing now, I feel?So?Betrayed

Chorus x 1

Chorus continued

Today is out to get me;
I want everyone to see,
This day is trying, to finish off, any last little piece of me,

...So

Outro Chorus (Sung softly, vocals only) x 1


A lot of this started out as very cliche, but then I learned that cliche writing will end up badly. So, I tried to be different, and change things around.

Crit for crits are fine, as long as I don't get one line crits please.
Originally Posted by #1 synth
...
9. fall in love and get your heart broken and use that pure anger as inspiration
10. i didnt want to end on 9

My Songs
MYOB
Today Is Out To Get Me
#2
I havn't even read the song yet, but I will say now that I love the title. Ok, now to read the song...

Dude, major props on this song. MAJOR props. I love the chorus and pre-chorus.

"If I keep saying something,
Maybe it will be true: ?I hate you?

I don't like that part. It doesn't make much sense to me.

Other than that, GREAT song. I bet the chorus sounds great with music. It's almost Nickelbackish, which at first doesn't seem like a compliment until you realize that they have a knack for making songs sound meaningful.

I love it. 9/10. And trust me, I am hard on most peoples songs. Look at some of my other crits and you'll see. Good job.
#3
"If I keep saying something,
Maybe it will be true: ?I hate you?

This part basicly means that the main character of the thing wants to get the other person out of his head, and forget them and dislike them, but can't. For whatever reason, he can't stay mad.

Anywho, thanks tons for the crit.
Originally Posted by #1 synth
...
9. fall in love and get your heart broken and use that pure anger as inspiration
10. i didnt want to end on 9

My Songs
MYOB
Today Is Out To Get Me
#4
Love the title, I'll crit it later, I'm watchin' Spider-Man right now...
If The Archers Bows Have Broken, Then I Hope To God They Know How To Fight.
#5
"If I keep saying something,
Maybe it will be true: ?I hate you?

Yes, but the word "something" is a very vague word. And I still don't see how that could be interpreted as "I can't stay mad at you".
#6
Aye, I can try and rewrite it so it's less vague. Good point.

I'll try that in a bit, I've gotta eat something. Thanks for the crits though guys!

Edit: If I keep telling lies,
Maybe they'll become true: ?I hate you?

How about that? I can just change it all together, but I want something in there about the guy not being able to hate the girl.
Originally Posted by #1 synth
...
9. fall in love and get your heart broken and use that pure anger as inspiration
10. i didnt want to end on 9

My Songs
MYOB
Today Is Out To Get Me
Last edited by Link883 at May 6, 2006,
#7
Ok I said I'll crit this and I shall fro the good of mankind. Ok heres the first thing I have to say: I love the title for some reason, its justed worded weirdly enough to stick in my mind. Wow, beatiful first verse. It is a very strong opening for this song and I like how you used the concept of artwork and mixed it in to what you were trying to say. I did that in one of my songs, except it was with the weather. The pre-chorus is alright, I think its a little forced.
The chorus, despite what everyone says, seems sort of weak to me. I think it was better if it was a few lines longer and I don't like how you put the last line in. It just seemed different from the impression you were trying to make. Great verse though, I love it as much as I loved your first verse. Pretty good bridge, I really thought the 3rd and 4th lines were well placed and were the best part of the bridge. I salute you on the last chorus peice, it works very well in the topic you're portraying and is short enough to work well. Good job I have to say I love this peice. Overall I'll give you a 9/10. If you have time to crit mine as well it would be appreciated, the link is in my sig. Thanks.
If The Archers Bows Have Broken, Then I Hope To God They Know How To Fight.
#8
Today is out to get me

Verse


Crossed my heart, four ways since Wednesday,
My life was an art, with you painting the picture,
And now it?s half finished, I don?t know what to do,
If this keeps up I?ll be breaking down soon,

if you ask me... i'd change "my life was an art" to " my life is an art" and "finished" to "done"... just minor changes... i just think they better suit the verse... other then that.. love it.. :p

Pre-Chorus

Watching out now, any glimpse or sign,
Watching out now, all I need is time?

i can imagine this part being sung... nice use of repetition... simple but effective

Chorus x 2

Sum it up, Spit me out,
Turn around, Take me down,
Cause I know, I'll never be your favorite (Favorite?)

if this is sung.. i can imagine this part being very catchy... nice chorus!

Verse

I?m sitting in my room, all because of you,
I?ve never felt this way, and I don?t think I?m about to stay,
I can see the darkness loom, I?m wondering what to do,
Because of things I?ve seen today, I?ve got to get away

ummm.. i like this except for the 1st line... somehow... to me... "sitting in my room" and "all because of you" sounds cliche... i've used them in my lyrics and got that comment a lot from friends... other than that.. nice nice... :p

Pre-chorus

I?m looking around; I don?t know what to do,
I?m looking around; I just have no clue?

same same... nice nice...

Chorus x 2

Bridge/Interlude

If I keep saying something,
Maybe it will be true: ?I hate you?
You remind me, of every stupid choice that I?ve made,
My voice means nothing now, I feel?So?Betrayed

to tell you the truth... i don't like songs with "i hate you" in the lyrics.. but that's just me... i guess it's ok.. :p

Chorus x 1

Chorus continued

Today is out to get me;
I want everyone to see,
This day is trying, to finish off, any last little piece of me,

...So

Outro Chorus (Sung softly, vocals only) x 1

aLL in aLL.. great work.. i'd give it an 8.5/10... hehe... don't know y it can't be a 9... o weLL... keep it up... :p if you have time... comment mine as well... my latest is titled "vandalized heart"... i'm still an newbie in songwriting but i love trying to improve... everytime i see a nicely written song... the more i get inspired to write... so.. all of your songz heLp me as weLL.. keep on writing! :p