#1
Any crits would be awesome. Thanks!

(Verse 1)

I?m falling
I?m falling deeper
I?m crawling
Back to the steeple

I know I got here on my own
But I?m finally coming around
I can?t get out alone
I admit I need you now

(Chorus)
After all these years
And through all these tears
I can finally see
what I?ve been lacking
After all these days
Of running; running away
In spite of everything
You came and rescued me

(Verse 2)
I?m waning
I?m quickly fading away
I?m faking
I realize why I?m in my current state

I know what I missed
I?m starting to burn out
I?m begging your forgiveness
I admit I need you now

(Bridge)
It?s more than I understand
It?s more than I?ll ever know
How you could accept a man
Who is
Who is so wrong
You came to my rescue
You came to my rescue
You came to my rescue
You came to my rescue
#5
it's gonna be closed since you said that...

but since you sigged me, i'll crit it

the rhymes were forced in some places and they became a little excessive. i liked the first two lines in the bridge- that was my favorite part.. i would say to work on the rhyming a bit
Quote by HendrixEdge
My work will never be to the majority's tastes; and to be honest; I've no problem in accepting that.


If the doors of perception were cleansed, every thing would appear to man as it is, infinite.
#6
To me, I think it sounds... a bit too complainish. if the song is about being rescued, maybe you could change it abit to thanking instead of why you needed to be rescued.
i dunno. its a good song though, but i didnt find it flowed much... except the chorus.
#7
I?m falling
I?m falling deeper Standard intro verse,basic,shows theme.
I?m crawling
Back to the steeple

I know I got here on my own
But I?m finally coming around
I can?t get out alone Nice, switch second line with third.
I admit I need you now

(Chorus)
After all these years
And through all these tears
I can finally see Chorus is so emo,but not in a bad way.
what I?ve been lacking
After all these days
Of running; running away
In spite of everything
You came and rescued me

(Verse 2)
I?m waning
I?m quickly fading away
I?m faking
I realize why I?m in my current state

I know what I missed
I?m starting to burn out
I?m begging your forgiveness
I admit I need you now

(Bridge)
It?s more than I understand
It?s more than I?ll ever know
How you could accept a man
Who is
Who is so wrong
You came to my rescue
You came to my rescue
You came to my rescue
You came to my rescue


Ill do the rest here... The second line of first verse, second stanza shows a contradiction to the rest of the song, it says the character is "growing up" as such, but everything else shows that you need someone to help you.

I like the song, its very emo, is that how you wrote it? Whatever, its not emo in a bad way, its a nice little song, and could go far. Post the tab for it or a recording.

Crit mine:https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=356029
DARK_MATTER, Instrumental Post-Metal from Ireland


Bass:
Ibanez BTB 405QM
Ashdown PM600 - Peavey TVX 4x10
Russian Big Muff

Guitar:
Fender Jim Root sig
'99 Stagemaster 7-string
Yamaha F310
Hughes & Kettner Warp 7 w/4x12
#8
No, i didn't write it emo. The majority of my songs (the half way decent ones, at least) are just on an acoustic guitar. I'll admit this is not my best piece, but I appriciate the crits just the same.