#1
pretty traditional, teen angst driven piece by me. man **** my girlfriend (but like seriously, shes really pissing me off) here ya go, and good job to Daemonika for winning WOTM (its not over but it is over if you know what i mean... I'm pretty much like miss cleo, but less jamacan), theres always next time . anyway, here ya go, crit for crit, leave a link, mano a mano, hand to hand, no holds barred, hardcore, Xtreme... i forget what my point was:

dont come a-knockin' when the hermits tree's a-rockin'

Crescent creatures, eyes agape,
Lying dormant in the winters wake,
While watching and waiting
For the ritual of the paper boy,
To bring the seasonal tribunal
To the thresholds of the sleeping hermits
Who nest in trees;
As their biceps wane and squirm, while snoring and
Scratching their feathered, stubble chins;
Pondering life?s great juxtapositions;

Watching for the boy of epoch,
They sleep their sleep and crow their dreams;
And break into tunes of ancient post-modern prophets:

?Snowing, its snowing, and there?s nothing to say
?So I append a stiletto;
Midday, its snowing, and it keeps me secretly vague
?So I tack on some strife;
Snowing, sweet snowing and I?m speechless today
?So I pour in the kin;
Lights, camera, now fade to black
?So I add the white
Washed markings, masking rough draft?s spelling fallacies
Written in the apology note added to the white kettle?s snow brew:
White, White, White, White, White, Snowing?
Last edited by #1 synth at May 6, 2006,
#3
meh, i figure it will get me more responses if i praise hitler, even if they are rather negative ... o, and if the mods wanna change the title they can, its not vital to the plotline... One more thing, why was Troy demodded?
#4
Other people diud that before and i think that desreves a thread closing.....

4th line hte flwo seems off, or different than the first three lines
I hate when people use such un poetic sounding words as juxtapose or other forms of it Also i wasn't quite sure what to think of the sudden change to italics.
Can you see in the dark? Can you see the look on your face?
#5
Quote by furtherfan21
Other people diud that before and i think that desreves a thread closing.....

4th line hte flwo seems off, or different than the first three lines
I hate when people use such un poetic sounding words as juxtapose or other forms of it Also i wasn't quite sure what to think of the sudden change to italics.


On the contrary, Juxtaposition is a very poetic word if used correctly.

Full crit tonight? You can hope...
#6
just to clarify, the title was actually relevant to the piece, just not vital, as i feel all titles are only a lies about the piece manifest, a grabbing hook if you will. but if you still felt it was too much than i accept your decision to change it.
Last edited by #1 synth at May 7, 2006,