#1
im a sucker for your smile
my heart melts when you frown
i hope you know im always there
i'd never let you down

and i know that im the nice guy
i am your "bestest friend"
but i will, i will keep loving you
this curse will never end

Chorus
you tell me all your problems
you tell me about that guy
who slept with you sister
and left you there to die.

you cry upon my shoulder
i tell you its okay
you tell me that you love me
in a brotherly kind of way

tell me why your blinded
tell me why you cannot see
the perfect guy is standing here
and that your only one is me.
#2
like most lyrics on this topic, if this were a song, the good/bad factor would depend on melody and music. otherwise not too shabby.
=deportivo=


"so this guy woke up with 6 different girls on 6 days of the week?"
"yea, isn't that crazy?"
"he must be god"
"...and on the seventh day he rested"
#3
Seems like an old blink 182 song, something in the vein of mid-90s pop-punk...am I close? For what it is, it's not bad. Oh, and in the first line of the last stanza "your" should be "you're".
#4
"and i know that im the nice guy
i am your 'bestest friend' "
i really dont know how you would fit this in there
#5
Quote by AmishPhonebooks
Seems like an old blink 182 song, something in the vein of mid-90s pop-punk...am I close? For what it is, it's not bad. Oh, and in the first line of the last stanza "your" should be "you're".


nah its "your"
#7
Like the title but I'll crit it later, as you see I'm watching Spider-Man.
If The Archers Bows Have Broken, Then I Hope To God They Know How To Fight.
#8
pretty good, didn't find it anoying at all, thought it flowed fairly well, and I wouldn't mind hearing music to it. good job
Quote by JackWhiteIsButts
I saw Pantera live once, Dime changed into a body bag right there on stage.


#9
That describes what I have been going through so well. I am sitting here crying from reading that! You hit the nail right on the head. As for the rhythum, flow, etc. I really liked it. I liked the rhyming pattern as well so 9.5/10
Why do I let myself drown n the tears Ive cried4u over&over again When I know that u wont rescue me?
THE HARDEST GIFT2GIVE IS LOVE U KNOW IS NOT RETURNED
Whats the point n smilin if u hav no1 2smile4
#10
Quote by mouldysandwich
no its you're - its litteraly sayin "tell me why you are blinded"


yeh good point. i'll edit it later
#11
Hey dude. this is pretty good stuff i really enjoyed reading it i agree with deportivo that how good it can be would really depend on the music. but i did enjoy it, cos i know exactly what it's on about! keep it up
hmmm... your ideas are interesting to me and i would like to subscribe to your newsletter - homer simpson
#13
I dont know how to say this without sounding like a jerk, but Ill just quote Frank Zappa " Broken hearts are for assholes". Unless you are trying to be emo, that is.
#14
Maybe i am a loser, but I think this is great. This is exactly how I feel about a girl i just wrote a song about. I wouldn't change a thing man. Great work.
+ =


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#15
Ok I said I'd crit this and here I am. Interesting title here its not bad but rather inriguing. The first verse is weak to me, they have good potential but the last two lines seem rather forced to me. Again this next part seems sort of weak to me and lacks the potential to make it more interesting to the reader. For the chorus it is obviously the best part, its got good rhymes and is catchy enough to be a chorus. The rhyme doesn't seem as forced as in the other verse which is excellent. The next verse is the weakest part fo the song, it just seems amazingly weak and corny. The last part which I assume is the bridge is quite well written though, I liek the repetition, it seems to fit in quite well. Overall it was alright but you need to make the rhymes alot less forced, its just more like a poem to read right now, rather than a song. I'll give you a 7/10. I know its a meaningful song to you but it seems to be a 10 on the corny meter in some points. If you have time to crit mine it would be appreciated, the links in my sig. Thanks.
If The Archers Bows Have Broken, Then I Hope To God They Know How To Fight.
#16
i liked it. it seems to really come from experience and i believe that the best way to write anything is through personal experience. Good JOB