#1
The Lighthouse

Damaged soul, my life is on parole, the news are getting old,
same old stories as before, I lay my hand on the door;
because out there is something new and not the same old stew... as used to.

I walk outside, to where earth and sea collide,
I stare at the sand, about to leave land. I hope you understand, I am not the same man... That I was before.

A lighthouse out there, and I am still here.
A glimpse of hope in my eye before my spirit dies.
The inside tries, but the outside... cries.

The sea is beneath me. I try to; but I cannot see; I can?t see why I should be.
My thoughts are confusing, but yet after all I hope that I?m choosing the right ones.

I arrive at my goal, I walk forward very slow.
I walk up the stairs and I see some chairs.
I walk inside, and I trive... for the light.

I break the circuit from my brain, and all there is left is to go insane;
I walk down memory lane and I see the same... pictures as BEFORE!

And now my life draws to a close, like the last breath of a dying rose.
I?ve lived alone and I should of known that it was my destiny.

I will portray that it is possible to allay the loneliness.
I will take my last breath before my undeniable death in The Lighthouse...


Anyways, this song is about a man that's sick of life and he wants to find some place to settle down. He goes to sea and finds a lighthouse where he lives until he dies.

Please give me crits
When I heard smoking would kill me, I bought shares in Dunhill and Marlboro - Thomas Geraghty

If we don't change it, nothing will fucking change.
Last edited by NineInchNails_0 at Jun 9, 2006,
#2
it seems to forced the words poam everything. now what i am saying about it is well read this and tell me if you know what im talking about "because out there is something new and not the same old stew"
#3
lol, yeah. Allright.
When I heard smoking would kill me, I bought shares in Dunhill and Marlboro - Thomas Geraghty

If we don't change it, nothing will fucking change.
#4
The song "The Lighthouse" was done by Nickel Creek with a similar idea. Nickel Creek's song tells the story with the Lighthouse as the Narrator. Pretty cool song to listen to, might give you some ideas.
"I don't care if it hurts. I want to have control. I want a perfect body. I want a perfect soul. I want you to notice when I'm not around." - Radiohead
#5
Intersting... Intersting I must say. Its got a weird structure but its good none the less. It seems almost to rhyme to much and the flow is weird and messed up. Still, you have a good theme here and with a little re-writing it'll be alot better.
If The Archers Bows Have Broken, Then I Hope To God They Know How To Fight.
#6
Sorry but i didnt like this at all. The rhyming made it hard to keep reading. although the idea was good it sounded forced.
#7
yeah... i agree with neely, the rhyming wasn't good. you really should work on that before anything else.
Quote by HendrixEdge
My work will never be to the majority's tastes; and to be honest; I've no problem in accepting that.


If the doors of perception were cleansed, every thing would appear to man as it is, infinite.
#9
i liked the idea but you need better words to explain it
"I will not rest untill the noise has stopped"-Vishus
#10
Quote by calvinthecanadi
Intersting... Intersting I must say. Its got a weird structure but its good none the less. It seems almost to rhyme to much and the flow is weird and messed up. Still, you have a good theme here and with a little re-writing it'll be alot better.


Yeah, but I've written the chords and the solos of the song. And, it's a very long song (when I play it it clocks up to 11-12 minutes at least) so I've devided it into parts. That's probably why the flow seems messed up. When I play it, it goes as smooth as silk

Thanks for the crits everyone!
When I heard smoking would kill me, I bought shares in Dunhill and Marlboro - Thomas Geraghty

If we don't change it, nothing will fucking change.
#11
I am weird, i loved all the rhymeing and i would really enjoy to hear it as a song. for some weird reason when i read this i kept thinking of "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin. I have the vinyl and it has this weird lighthouse looking dude holding a torch (everyone knows the picture) and it reminded me of that. If you get the song on a site I would love to hear it sung.

if ya got a chance check me out. (see links below)
#12
Well, hopefully I'll get some recording equipment in some weeks. But I'm not really sure. But thank you VERY MUCH for the good crits!

I guess you and me are weirdos, aren't we chloroformkisme?
When I heard smoking would kill me, I bought shares in Dunhill and Marlboro - Thomas Geraghty

If we don't change it, nothing will fucking change.
#13
I'm not a weirdo but i listen to alot of music with alot of simple rhymes. Come on now I love THE DOORS "we couldn't get much higher, come on baby light my fire, funeral pyer" lots of rhymes maybe thats why I think this song has a such a classic rock feels to it.
#14
I was joking

Anyways, I've critted some of yours now.
When I heard smoking would kill me, I bought shares in Dunhill and Marlboro - Thomas Geraghty

If we don't change it, nothing will fucking change.
#17
yeah i agree with the majority of ppl here the rhyming did seem kinda forced sorry man, liked the topic tho, thats wot drew me in to look at this, its different
#18
a wit da teeth ah

typical teen poetry. you need to find a niche that is your own.
these are lyrics that have been written over and over again with different words
and you just aren't doing anything that is unique. that's the problem.
if you feel like being a "piggy" then keep writing this way but it seems like
"the line begins to blur" between this piece and every other user's i read
that has a modern rock styled user name.

NIN is great.

this isn't.

2.5/10