#1
I wanted to eventually make a concept album based on The Divine Comedy. This song is based on the the second ditch of the eight circle of hell.

Putrid stench, fills your lungs
Fouler than a thousand slums
Laying down, on your face
Covered in the rancid waste
Through the filth, through the grime
Crawling like a ****ing swine
Taste of ****, in your mouth
Fecal matter pouring out

Drowning, in excrement
Drowning, in excrement
Drowning, in excrement
Drowning, in excrement

Putrid stench, in the air
Human feces everywhere
All you smell, all you taste
Is the sea of human waste
In your mouth, on your eyes
Covered by a swarm of flies
As you scream, as you shout
Excrement comes pouring out

Drowning, in excrement
Drowning, in excrement
Drowning, in excrement
Drowning, in excrement
#2
Im a huge fan of some of your other works, but rarely get to show my appreciation. Here however many will conceive this as a metal-throw-off, and will most likely disgard its relevance to the original material.

I felt the flow and tone was excellent to begin with, then the last 2 lines, just felt slightly OTT, I mean one curse yeah okay, two in such proximity didn't work for me. I think you need another rhyme there, I dont mean AA, but perhaps another alternative.

Then the second stanza is ok, it all feel too ott for me, the subject matter is lost in the words, and so you're slowly failing in your idea, perhaps add some less detailed parts to engage the original idea more.

peACE
Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.
#3
beautiful idea (the divine comedy) but i felt the execution was juvinille and really distracted from the purpose. Also, you dont really get out of first gear; you just rephrase a setting. I hope to see more from you as The Hurt Within seems high on you and I trust his judgement. HAPPY WRITING!