#1
Here is a really old piece by me. It was 4 verses longer, but the lead rubbed off the page. Probably better If the WHOLE piece got smeared .

!CAUTION! Whining just ahead !CAUTION!


Hello Miss Erica!
Could I get your number, baby?
Would you whore yourself to me?
For justice and for peace!

Smear that oil on your skin!
Don't worry about the hearts you'll break!
It's all about how much we'll pay!
For you to pose exclusively!

Politic-tac-toe!
Yours truly, x-o-x-o!
Addressed: The CEO!
Of a business left untold!

Witness a miracle!
All the tickets sold out! sold out!
A hungry girl upon her knees!
To profit and to please!

So!
Subscribe! Subscribe!
Don't pass this sexy offer!
Subscribe! Subscribe!
And get her signature!

Politic-tac-toe!
Platonically, x-o-x-o!
Addressed: The CEO!
A problem left untold!

I can't help myself!
Your dance is so hypnotic!
But does it make you sick?
Knowing no one can hold you!
I can't help myself!
You smile is so hypnotic!
But it makes me sick!
Knowing that I can't hold you!

PS: I want your nuclear kisses...
And not to mention...
Your sweet sweatshop love...
#2
I?m sorry Troy, but other than the titular phrase; that in itself, is a lovely example of satirical punnery, the rest of this piece, unfortunately read like a distinctly archetypal polemic, thinly veiled behind a rather juvenile love letter.

Nevertheless, you did take a rather interesting approach, in regards to the conveyance of the subject matter, so for that alone, I still see fit to commend you.

Good luck my man, and keep well.

A link to my latest, if the feeling ever takes you:

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=5544077#post5544077
Incisive inklings of proper piss are unsuited for the quill…
Last edited by HendrixEdge at May 8, 2006,
#3
Here is a really old piece by me. It was 4 verses longer, but the lead rubbed off the page. Probably better If the WHOLE piece got smeared .

!CAUTION! Whining just ahead !CAUTION!


Hello Miss Erica!
Could I get your number?
Would you whore yourself to me?
For justice and for peace!
Witness a miracle!
All the tickets sold out! sold out!
A greedy nation on its knees!
To profit and to please!

Politic-tac-toe!
Yours truly, x-o-x-o!
Addressed by the CEO!
A problem left untold!

Leave no child behind!!
Leave no child behind!!
Leave no child behind!!

Leave no trace of crime.

i liked the first verse, meh, im a sucker for clihes sometime. The rest wasnt too great. If you want to, you could check out my piece.
i would rather staple my own hands to a train, than pray on knees that judge and blame.
#4
Umm. I really liked the start. Kind of cool. It reminds me of a Pixies song, which I like> The second part was okay. Nothing to amazing but still good. The leave no chil behind! I like but the ending is kind of flat. Still pretty good work. Now crit mine. You know what I am talkin about.
#5
Nothing great, creative title though I like that part... The chorus seems to be the most creative part, its well put together.
If The Archers Bows Have Broken, Then I Hope To God They Know How To Fight.
#7
Well, I took that "blueprint" and added in a few parts here and there. And it IS fun to sing. My wifey thought that I was actually talking about falling in love with a prostitute when she heard me singing it!

Thanks,
!troy!
#8
Inter-political whoring is an acceptable art form, although I stand by my original assessment.
Incisive inklings of proper piss are unsuited for the quill…
#9
Ma I love the new version. Like I said it reminds me of the Pixies. Who I love. What was week about the first one you fixed. Very good work.
#10
Did you just call me Ma? Because you know Luke, I am your FATHER! muahaha!

Will is a whore... tee-hee, /me loves the Willinator!

Thanks,
!troy!
#11
well. i'd love to see the other four verses. and this would be fun to sing. while drunk. with thirty other people. and naked.

and havin read some of your other stuff (and the constant preteniousness between you and hendrix up there) i think you already know what the major faults of this piece are. It was a fun read though.

And why does nobody actually write about the ***** anymore? she always gets mentioned in the first few lines, then BAM deep and snobbish metaphor for the rest of the piece. I want to hear about the *****.
bee yatch
#14
pretension is great if you know how to do it correctly..and you are the zen master of it.
bee yatch
#15
That was cool but not in any way full of the "sense" you told me to include in my text. I'm not gonna complain much though. That was actually decent.
#17
Yeah, i kinda thought it was a prostitute to begin with but the more i read, the more i realized that it was about the corruptness of politicians and the government. Nice analogy.