#1
Don't read if you don't like long posts...there's also a summary at the bottom.

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Where to start....

After my friends band broke, up he decided to restart a band. He was rhythm guitar in the last band, and he decided to switch to lead for this go around. This was two months ago. He used the same drummer (an ok friend of mine), but a new bassist (a good friend of mine) and no singer as of yet. We were going to be a hard rock band.

[Before I go any farther, pay attention as to how I've noted the bandmembers are friends...]

A month ago when he started up, he asked me to be rhythm guitarist, and naturally I said yes. A few days later, me, the lead guitarist, and bassist get together and jam, coming up with a riff that sounded decent. The drummer couldn't come because he was grounded at the time. A few days later, school progress reports come out and our bassist landed a 'D' in his math class, and before I know it, he's grounded too. So now it's just me and our lead guitarist. We get together again the next day, and recorded a song with a tape recorder. I thought things would be going ok once the rest of the band members were ungrounded, so I held my hopes high. A week passes, no practice. I ask the lead guitarist if we were going to have another practice anytime soon. He gave the affirmative, but also said we're not really going to get into gear until summer. So, I think to myself, all is good. Here begins the downfall...

That weekend, the drummer invites the bassist and lead guitarist to his house to spend the night that weekend. Since he's closer to the other two than he is to me, I dismiss it as just a casual invitation to hang out. Later that day, the drummer asks the bassist if he remembered to bring his plug-in cord, and asked if he needed some bass picks. When I heard this, I got riled and a little angry at seeing three-fourths of the band getting together and jamming, without even including me as an afterthough. I let it pass, and I would talk to them again on monday.

Upon arriving to school, they were talking about some of the stuff they did, and mentioning another guy from our school. I don't know him all that well, but he knows the drummer and is getting to know the lead guitarist and bassist. Turns out that guy (I'll just refer to him as 'that guy') also brought his guitar along, and they all jammed. The lead guitarist was then talking to me about how 'that guy' is awesome at guitar. He has been playing for 10 years, supposedly. I nod my head and listen with interest. My feelings are a little hurt, but I get over it. I pass it off as nothing...

Next week, my lead guitarist and drummer (who can also play guitar fairly well) bring their acoustics to school, and the lead guitarist was going over to the drummer's house. While playing they talk about how they were going to try and come up with some songs. So I think, "Alright, maybe I can get some new material, I've about ran dry my Metallica well..." They come to school next week, they didn't say anything, so I figured they probably goofed around.

During my fourth period class that day, the lead guitarist was working on a song he was writing. I asked him if a could see it, and he quickly and grumpily replies, "No." A few minutes later the drummer asks the same question, and the lead guitarist gives him the paper without a second thought. Feeling more than slightly pissed, I lean back and try to let it pass. That's when I realized I was beginning to be left out of the loop.

The lead guitarist asked me if he spelled a certain word right, so he hands me the paper (has lyrics and tabs). After confirming the word was spelled right, I looked at the lyrics, which weren't bad, but then I noticed the guitar parts. The bass would cover the verses, and the guitar would handle the chorus, bridge and the solo. Thing was, solo wasn't played over a rhythm, and there wasn't two guitar parts. I asked him and said, "Do I get a part in this song?" He replies, "Nah, this one's just gonna be me." My mounting suspicion died, and I went back to what I was doing.

I overhear, some practiceless weeks later, the drummer say to the lead guitarist he was going to see if he could have him and the bassist over for practice, and said 'that guy' was coming too. He didn't do so much as look at me. Neither did my friend the lead guitarist. The lead guitarist says he'll ask his dad, and goes back to schoolwork. Seething inwards, I finally realize whats happening. My bandmates, or so I had thought, they were, have kicked me out for 'that guy'. I wanted to ask them why the hell they did it, and why they couldn't have told me, but I clung on to one last glimmer of hope that this was all a big misunderstanding. I quench the fire that was inside me and shrug it off.
I ventured to ask if there was going to be another practice, but I thought better of it. I decided to give this whole ordeal another week before I made my final verdict.
And the verdict came today.
In my 7th period class in school, the drummer says to the lead guitarist, "Hey, me and 'that guy' are gonna clean out his garage this weekend so we begin practicing."
That hit me like a sledge hammer.

Here's a summary:
- Friend promising me a position of rhythm guitarist in a band
- A few practices,
- Blank week
- Drummer invites every other of member of the band to his house to jam, and some other guy from our school, except me
- Started writing songs, excluding me
- Acting as if I'm not there
- Forming practices, excluding me
- 'That Guy' taking my place, but still not even considering me.


Let me give you a background on the Lead, bassist and drummer.
Lead: Been my best friend since the beginning of middle school (we are now sophomores in high school). Smart, funny, but quick to anger.
Bassist: He's another one of my great friends. I'm not blaming him in any of this, mainly because he is a follower, he just goes with the flow.
Drummer: I know him pretty good, but not as much of a friend as the other two. He's a rich son of a gun, also...

Here's my problem (yea I know, took me long enough ):

I want to confront them, but not in a way that will jeopardize my friendship with them. My ego (what little there is) and feelings are hurt, and I am pissed.
And 'that guy' also happens to weigh 250 lbs. of pure muscle, and he's a football player. (And, yea, he can play ) But he is also not that bad of a guy.

If you've taken the time to read this (and thank you if you have) then I'd appreciate any comments.

And, yea, I got pwned.
#2
Sorry to read it man *gives a beer to cheer up*

Well, maybe their ultimate vision of being in a band is about the standard of music they play and with a guy that's played for 10 years, that standard is going to be higher. So, maybe it's for the sake of good music they did this

However, they should have talked to you. I suggest you find yourself some new friends.
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#3
Dude. the same thing happened to me not too long ago. instead of trying to force yourself into the band, just start another one. be like dave mustaine lol, you saw how THAT turned out.
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#4
First off, you shoulda realized long ago what was happening. Instead of shrugging it off and hoping it would get better you should have spoken up. But, seeing as it's far too late for that, try and move on. Talk to your "friends" (if they were real friends they would have told you) and hopefully you can slavage the friendship. Most importantly, continue to wokr on your guitar playing and song writing and for god's sake look for a new band. The best way to get them back for their disrespect is to get into /form a better band than theirs.
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#5
Yeah, sucks man. Drop them all like a hot potato and find some other bandmates. This is life in the band. Practice, become a better musician, and who knows they may come crawlin' to get you back one day. Until then, don't give a crap what they think, save your self respect, and write a song about your experience with a killer mean riff.
#6
Basically, it seems as though your friends have decided they'd rather have a band than a friend.

So you either show them that they're wrong not to include you, or prove them right.
#8
Thanks for all the input guys.


The one thing that puzzled me most was that they didn't tell me...I mean, we've been great friends, we've all had some good times and bad...but it confuses me why they would just shoulder me off like a bug.

I guess I could say I'm screwed since:
I live in a small town, so naturally the amount of skilled, know-what-they're-doing musicians will be small. And the other musicians in my school are pricks. I'm thinking of maybe putting out an add, looking around for more people in the general area.

Some say I need new friends. In essence this would be good, but before I pass any judgement on that I'm gonna get to the core of what all is happening.

A huge storm is about to hit my area, so I'm gone as of now.

If anyone else has any contributions, I'll take them gladly.

Cheers.
#9
just move on man,find another band and dont make the same mistakes they did,if you dont click with other musicians,talk to them and dont leave them out in the cold.
it sux what happed to ya but ppl are assholes and ya just gotta deal with it
#10
find a band of completely new members but dont tell your 'best friend' about it. then when he asks if you want to go to his house or something just say say
"nah ive got rehearsal with my band"

sorted.
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#11
Why are you concerned with hurting there feelings, they werent concerned with yours. This is not a case of one guy being a better musician than the other, its a case of bad friendship and bad conduct within a musical group. Call them on that, these guys are jackass'.
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ok so iv started been shredding for a while now. and i was reading other threads and i was wondering, is shredding just playing random notes all over the fret board wherever i want. or am i supposed to shred in some kind of scale??
#13
Not to defend them, but it could also be an awkward situation to tell someone that they've been kicked.

More than likely that other guy's at least somewhat good if he's been playing for 10 years, and the other guys were more drawn to the person who's been playing for that long. So it may not be a friendship thing, but a music thing.

Meh, I say pull a School of Rock and just get into a better band.


"You thought you could take the band....but the band is mine....and you cannot take what is MIIIIINNNNNEEEE!!!" (I love that movie lol)
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#14
That is a good film, god withus.

I agree maybe this guy was a tad better maybe. Its still ****ty, maybe just put this down to expirience.
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ok so iv started been shredding for a while now. and i was reading other threads and i was wondering, is shredding just playing random notes all over the fret board wherever i want. or am i supposed to shred in some kind of scale??
#15
Wow.
Read it all. Every last word.
Pretty shitty stuff to happen, man.


How to confront them?
Ask them what's going on with the band. Straight up. Say, "Hey. Guys. What's going on with the band? Are WE going to practive ever again? What's the deal, dudes?"

If you dont want to screw up friendships, tell them. Be like, "I'm pissed about this, but I still love you guys." Just make sure they know they're still pretty much douchebags for doing it like they have.

I think it's pretty low how they've done this. Especially without any reason other than the possibility of a 'better' guitarist.

Like everyone else has said; keep playing. Keep rocking the fuck out. Like someone said, be like Dave Mustaine.

Good luck with this, dude.

-HD-



edit: in relation to God withus' post

It IS really awkward to kick someone from a band.

It sucked having to kick my bassist out. Me and the drummer (we were the leaders because we pretty much wrote the songs) took the responsibility. We brought the band over to my place, went downstairs. We told the rhythm guitarist first, and then brought the bassist in. We seriously sat there staring at the guy for about one full minute, before I finally said, "Dude. We gotta drop ya."

From there, it's a little bit easier. The question "Why" will always come up.

But yea. It is hard to drop a band mate. Especially a friend.
Spiral Out
Last edited by HumanitysDeath at May 11, 2006,
#16
Lesson Learned, don't start a band with friends, unless you can risk losing that friend. It's like working in a business world with a friend, usually business is about whats best for oyu or your company, and if that involves screwing your friend that may be the case.

Talk to them though if it makes you feel better, ask them why there beeing idiots. IF they can't explain to you reasonably screw them, go start your own band do what you want to do with music dont let some asshole go and push you around because he thinks all hot cause he plays the friggin solo.
#17
Welcome to the world of Music. Lesson Learned: Don't trust anybody and there is no job sercurity. If you haven't already, and someone problem suggested this. Let them know your concerns and seriously talk. Here's what I would recommend after that:

Never join another band with friends involved, it will make you a better musician. Okay, maybe not that extreme but it does help. In fact, every band I have joined that hasn't had any of my friends in it has been the highest paying and most gigging groups.

You can also probably talk them into having you as a hired gun in case someone drops out or something or road crew if you really want to be part of it. Personally, I would never join another band where members can't come to practice because they are "grounded" I hated high school.
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#19
That was extremely long dude... and very sad. **** happens man, that's life.

But maybe, maybe you did something to them. Consider that. Not trying to make you feel bad, but you could've done something.

Totally listen to what the above said. They've got good things to say. Watch out for what you do in your next bands. Learn from what happened. Sometimes it is a good idea not to pair up with friends in a band, cause things may get ugly. But that doesn't mean every band you play in that you have friends with is going to end up bad.

You seriously have to talk this out with your friends... this was a bad thing, and you or your buddies arent going to get any peace after this. Settle this. Do it soon. As each day passes by it'll get worse. Falling out with your friends, especially very very close friends is a very very bad thing. This has happened to me before... you do not want to go through that. Talk it out. Call them. Something.

Things'll get better. Know it.
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#20
Lesson Learned, don't start a band with friends, unless you can risk losing that friend.


Completely Disagree. Forming a band because you want to record a CD is a risk. Forming a Band, or Jam with friends beacuse of nothing is not.
#21
If that was actually a band of friends, that's a crap'o'tastic thing to do of them. I can understand a purely 'proffessional' band formed to make money ditching someone to get a better player. But if you're a group of friends, a group where some trust is supposed to be involved, that's bs.

Think about it this way - maybe you're lucky this happened, and happened early? Obviously the guys aren't worth much of your trust.
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#22
Man...go talk to them as quickly as possible.And learn from all of this...Maybe they aren't really friends.
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#23
Same exact thing happened to a friend of mine except the drummer was a chick, he was the bassist ,and 'that guy' was a skinny dude till they finally kicked him out. now he is my lead vocalist
#24
Wow, man. Really sorry to hear that. That sucks.

Well, I guess my advice to you would just start another band. It sounds like the drummer and the lead guitarist are the a-holes here. I might confront them and tell them that you're really hurt, then say goodbye and start your own band.

Good luck!
Last edited by lespaul_rentals at Jun 4, 2006,