#1
i've never posted on here before...not really sure how my stuff will be received. constructive criticism is welcome.

can you even think of growing old?
can you feel the frailty in your bones?
can you taste the lies they'll feed you
when every day depends on how your body will treat you?

can you see your loved ones come and go,
always speaking in hushed up tones?
can you suppress the fear inside you?
hide beneath your thoughts and hope that no one will find you.

something's out there...
can you feel its healing touch?
it's taking you away...
away to a better place.
i look to the sky from this cold chair...
and somehow i know you're there.
#2
I think the piece has good content and I enjoyed it, but could executed better. Maybe if you were a bit more subtle, or the piece had a more interesting flow/rhyme. I suggest you check out the new lyrics tip thread, its really phenomenal and should help you a lot!

peace!
"Life is like a tale, what matters is not its length but its value"
#3
Cool. I don't know why, but this reminded me of the Goo Goo Dolls. That's not a bad thing really, unless of course you hate them or something. Anyways, I liked it.
#4
i like it man.

you might want to add a few more stanzas, its a bit short but ive written short ones intentially myself so i know how it is.
Member #57 of The Weezer Fan Club