#1
Short poem tell me what you think. thanks.

There's a gaping void that I've got to fill
I wish you were here, but I know you're not real
Darkness is black, but not as black as this hole
I need to dig deep to know what has gone

Lost in my thoughts, thinking of you
A hand on my shoulder tells me to leave here soon
A bird flew by, leaving nothing but dust
Is that all that's left, a dying disgust
aint no angel gonna great me?
#2
I liked it, the only thing that didn't fit the rythm was the last line of the first paragraph. Seems it is missing a word??
#4
Quote by guitarzak
Short poem tell me what you think. thanks.

There's a gaping void that I've got to fill Nice first line, sets the tone well.
I wish you were here, but I know you're not real I like, gives the impression that the gaping void in the first line is the gap where the person is missing
Darkness is black, but not as black as this hole Not sure about this line to be honest, but it's a decent bit of imagery
I need to dig deep to know what has gone A wee bit bland, but a good idea.

Lost in my thoughts, thinking of you A bit cliched, loses a bit of the mystery of the piece for me.
A hand on my shoulder tells me to leave here soon Brings back the mysterious element well, what is the hand on your shoulder?
A bird flew by, leaving nothing but dust Brilliant bit of imagery
Is that all that's left, a dying disgust Rounds of the piece well


overall, good piece 8/10 from me.

but constantly posting 'any more crits' to bump your thread up will do you no favours, I suggest you delete that post.

If you get time, a crit back for the link in my sig would be appreciated.
Super Leeds and Classy Cas!
#5
cheers dude. Of course I will crit your piece.
aint no angel gonna great me?