#1
you call in the middle of the day
we dont know whats going on
you tell my mom and she rushes down
to ask my brother. i ask whats going on, while all paniced inside.

i dont know what to say.
im scared, is it bad?
is it good?
will you tell me?

no one told me anything.
i still dont know whats going on.
my brother has to go over to my grandmother's.
my mom finally tells me whats going on.

i dont know what to say.
im scared, is it going to happen again?
where is she?
where is he?

i go to bed crying
i hope everything's alright
its even in the newspaper
its all gone now...everything's okay.

ok i dont have a title cuz i just wrote this...its not even written on paper yet...so can you help me come p with a name for this one? and how good do you think the song is?
always ME!
#2
1 thread a day. 2 per week
The trouble with nude dancing is that not everything stops moving when the music does.

Last.fm
#3
sorry wasnt thinking...ill remember that for next time. i knew that rule just i was so caught up in the moment to make a new song. know what i mean?
always ME!
#4
hum? sorry dude but? that?s pretty damn bad.
uhm reason's its bad:
1) No rhyme scheme at all, the only rhyming I noticed was "on" with "on" and "she with "he"
2) There is an absolute lack of flow.
3) The song just wanders around seems very repetitive, you ask a lot of rhetorical questions and they're never answered... which is bad.
5) The last stanza is rather confusing; it goes from "I go to bed crying" to "it?s all gone now? everything?s okay"
6)I see a few spelling and grammar errors... not to be picky... just fix then

MY SUGGESTION TO YOUJ..
READ THE NEW LYRICS TIP THREAD!!
"Life is like a tale, what matters is not its length but its value"
#5
Quote by Mhhmmm.
hum? sorry dude but? that?s pretty damn bad.
uhm reason's its bad:
1) No rhyme scheme at all, the only rhyming I noticed was "on" with "on" and "she with "he"
2) There is an absolute lack of flow.
3) The song just wanders around seems very repetitive, you ask a lot of rhetorical questions and they're never answered... which is bad.
5) The last stanza is rather confusing; it goes from "I go to bed crying" to "it?s all gone now? everything?s okay"
6)I see a few spelling and grammar errors... not to be picky... just fix then

MY SUGGESTION TO YOUJ..
READ THE NEW LYRICS TIP THREAD!!


ok thanks... i get what your saying. i just kept on going and i just wanted to see where it would go and end up. ill write it down and take more time into changing it around and fix the spelling and grammer errors and ill post a new one next week. do you have an idea for a title?
always ME!