#1
this is probably the most personal piece i've written in a very long, and i haven't decided yet, but i think this will be my last post in the forums. crit if you like, i'll return any favor asked.

I never realized what I put you through
Until I thought about it tonight
I know there?s so many things should do
To try and make it right
Sometimes a needle just takes control
And I took it out on you
But tonight I cried because finally
I put myself into your shoes

Forgive me for this
For one thing I let out of hand
I tried so hard for five damn months
To make you understand
But now I know so far down the road
That it was me who was wrong
It?s been three years since my last hit
But now you?re already gone

Yea maybe there were times where you were
A little unfair to me
But it doesn?t excuse my
Lashing out so violently
Because a mirror and a razor were picked
Over you every time
But I know that without you
I never would have made it out alive

And tell your new man all about how horrible I was
And let your mother know that I?m three years of that stuff
And tell your father that I still think he?s a prick
But most of all tell yourself you?re finally done with all my ****
bee yatch
#2
That's pretty cool. A little hard to grasp how it would sound without a melody, but it's always that way with this stuff. The lyrics are the important part, and seem really heartfelt. Check out mine, "Ashlyn" if you would be so kind.
+ =


Member of the "Mitch Hedberg pwns" club. PM knives490 to join.

Member number #2 of the "... Still waiting for the Zombie Holocaust " club. PM Smokey Amp to join.
#3
I really like this song. If this is your last post in the forum, you definetly are going out on a high note. good job. could you crit mine "Life is too short"
~gtrfrk


founder of the dunlop pick fan club


RIP Roger "Syd" Barrett


"Let the good times roll"
#6
hi there jpburns88, nice writin. it's really meaningful and, as head_of_led said, it seems very heartfelt. i'm not too sure if u're really lookin for detailed crits or just a general opinion, cos u don't look like u wanna change anythin, if u know what i mean. dunno, that's just the impression i got, so if u want me to full crit this, pls tell me and i'll gladly do so. it would be a shame if u quit postin, mate. take care.
ana.
so who do i have to kill to get a crit? --> Memory


(e-cookie for whoever spots the alliteration, ha)


y cuando llegue el momento, sólo el viento se llevará lo que siento; y cuando acabe mi suerte, sólo en la muerte estaré fuerte y despierto...