#1
This is like, the first serious song i ever wrote. It's kind of bluesy (think "Since I've Been Lovin' You) and pretty personal. I'm trying to write a guitar part, but I'll probably just improvise if I ever find a band to play it.

I love you babe,
But you're in love,
With another man.

I love you baby,
But you're in love,
With another man.

I need you so bad,
And you're in love,
And it ain't with me.

I try so hard, woman,
To make good for you.
I work from seven to eleven,
And you know it's true,
But you love another man.

I look to the sky and ask,
"Why ain't it cryin' today?"
It's 'cause you're happy,
And the sky don't give a damn about me!
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#2
I like the last stanza bud, it is preferable to the rest of the piece, as it offers some nice imagery and a personal touch. The sentiment is good but your diction will need to become a bit more subtle and imaginative in the opening stanzas

I love you babe,
But you're in love,
With another man.


Like this stanza for example; it says what you want to say, but doesn't really grab your audience due to its basic nature. Just try making the first 4 stanzas a bit more lively, vocabulary wise, and match it tp last stanza and you will have a good bluesy number for sure.

oh and to leave a link just right click on your song's title and copy shortcut. Then paste where and when you like.

All the best Head of led
#3
Thanks.
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