#1
A single second and all will go down in flames
Another hero and no one knows who?s to blame
Bleeding hearts and black eyes plague this earth
It doesn?t matter I know, but for what its worth

Dance around in you fading masquerade
Fall away take a step away from grace
Take their hand and they?ll lead you to the grave
We can only be judged by what we?ve made

Another mention to the path we pave
Another slave and we know who to blame
Bleeding mascara and the look of regret
It doesn?t matter but you?ll never forget

Dance around in you fading masquerade
Fall away take a step away from grace
Take their hand and they?ll lead you to the grave
We can only be judged by what we?ve made

Loose lips sink ships and break hearts
False pretences, fading to false starts
Close your eyes and only see the truth
Close you eyes?.

Dance around in you fading masquerade
Fall away take a step away from grace
Take their hand and they?ll lead you to the grave
We can only be judged by what we?ve made

crit please
I R tr00 Member of UG's Gain \/\/hores - don't pm gpderek09 to join unless you are truly worthy
www.purevolume.com/mordecaiaus
Quote by xifr
There is the possibility that I may have or may or may not have gone or not gone into the danger zone.


Quote by lespaulmarshall
I love you Joel
#3
Hey did you know that 'loose lips sink ships' is a Ramones lyric from the song Swallow My Pride?

'Loose lips sink ships they say
But isn't it always that way'

But yeah your song aint bad.
A Pirate's Life for Me.....
#4
yeah, loose lips sink ships is also the name of a song by a change of pace.
it's in the style of a glassjaw song, one of the more poppy ones like radio cambodia
I R tr00 Member of UG's Gain \/\/hores - don't pm gpderek09 to join unless you are truly worthy
www.purevolume.com/mordecaiaus
Quote by xifr
There is the possibility that I may have or may or may not have gone or not gone into the danger zone.


Quote by lespaulmarshall
I love you Joel
#5
ramones haha. they had their songs. then they became the new kylie recently, wtf is up with that, look at msn everyone has ramones in their song list
www.compdocs.co.nr
#7
yeah. lookie here
I R tr00 Member of UG's Gain \/\/hores - don't pm gpderek09 to join unless you are truly worthy
www.purevolume.com/mordecaiaus
Quote by xifr
There is the possibility that I may have or may or may not have gone or not gone into the danger zone.


Quote by lespaulmarshall
I love you Joel
#8
The title is a direct rip off of A Change of Pace.

Nice.
There is no place else to go
The theater is closed
#9
Quote by joel_grieve
A single second and all will go down in flames
Another hero and no one knows who?s to blame
Bleeding hearts and black eyes plague this earth
It doesn?t matter I know, but for what its worth Maybe use 'it doesn't matter that/what I know, would flow better in my opinion

Dance around in you fading masquerade should that be your?
Fall away take a step away from grace Not sure about the repitition of 'away'
Take their hand and they?ll lead you to the grave
We can only be judged by what we?ve made

Overall, a solid stanza, nice imagery here.

Another mention to the path we pave
Another slave and we know who to blame
Bleeding mascara and the look of regret
It doesn?t matter but you?ll never forget

This stanza is fine as it is in my opinion

Dance around in you fading masquerade
Fall away take a step away from grace
Take their hand and they?ll lead you to the grave
We can only be judged by what we?ve made

Same as before

Loose lips sink ships and break hearts
False pretences, fading to false starts
Close your eyes and only see the truth I like this line, simple but effective
Close you eyes?. should be your

I like this stanza, good contrast between the imagery of the first two lines and the simplicity of the last two.

Dance around in you fading masquerade
Fall away take a step away from grace
Take their hand and they?ll lead you to the grave
We can only be judged by what we?ve made

Same as before

crit please



Crit back would be nice if you can, links in me sig.

Nice work!
Super Leeds and Classy Cas!
#10
nice, thanks
oh and i know theres are song called that. its a saying. not a copyrighted song. get over it
EDIT: and the spelling mistakes are only there because i worte it in a grand total of 5 mins and posted it with out spell checking
I R tr00 Member of UG's Gain \/\/hores - don't pm gpderek09 to join unless you are truly worthy
www.purevolume.com/mordecaiaus
Quote by xifr
There is the possibility that I may have or may or may not have gone or not gone into the danger zone.


Quote by lespaulmarshall
I love you Joel