#1
don't make this into a religous thread, just comment on the song dont bash the subject

When I'v lost, my sense of self
and it seems everything I do, I need somebody else
then I look, in all the wrong places
I'm a danger to myself, and I dont know if Im gonna make it
And though I know once I'm there I'm there to stay
But heaven always seems, so far away

Are you there Lord?
I'v been calling out for you,
I'v been waiting for the day, you came and save me
Are you there Lord?
I'd do anything for you
I'v been waiting for so long, for you to come
Are you there Lord?
The world around me's changing
and if I don't last alone
You'll pick me up when I fall down
your my God and I'm gonna praise you
till the end of my days

Well I'v learned, through faith beliveing
that Christ will be my guide, and he'll walk with me always
and I know, he's right beside me
where ever I may go, beside me my God stays
and though some times it feels it's hard to win
I know that jesus died, to save me from my sin

Are you there Lord?
I'v been calling out for you,
I'v been waiting for the day, you came and set me free
Are you there Lord?
I'd do anything for you
I'v been waiting for so long, for you to come
Are you there Lord?
The world around me's changing
and if I don't last alone
You'll pick me up when I fall down again
your my God and I'm gonna praise you
till the end of my days

and when I ran so far away
you turned me back around again
and I said what I needed to
I said "Oh God, I needed you"
you're my God and I'm gonna praise you
till the end of my days
you're my God and I'm gonna praise you
till the end of my days
you're my God and I'm gonna praise you
till the end of my days
#2
AMEN!

...or not. This is just blah. Borring and superficial and I don't really get the feeling that you are really praising God at all. Just sorta regurgitating a hymnal. In fact, you don't even need to write songs like this. "Amazing Grace" has already been written. And as much as I have come to hate that song, it was written better.

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#4
My pleasure.

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#5
listen to Petey, he knows what he's talking about


too superficial!
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#6
Use imagery because it will help to give a poetic quality to your writing. Explore your emotion about how you feel lost more in order to make it more personal. Being lost is a subject many people can relate and since people can connect with they expect something more. At the end leave the audience in suspense wondering, did Jesus ever help you find your way or are you still lost?
#7
hmm... first of all, i really think u should check grammar and spellin. u've placed quite a few commas in weird places too, so have a look at that (sorry for bein so picky about this, but i don't like havin to work out what u wanted to say while readin..).
about the subject of your piece, i think these guys^^ r right, it can be improved if u work a bit more on it. i agree with themarsvolta, it's a good idea to use some imagery, and maybe try talkin about smth less general than bein lost or fallin down, that's not very original to tell the truth...
that said, there's also some nice stuff in this piece, so work on it. keep it up
ana.
so who do i have to kill to get a crit? --> Memory


(e-cookie for whoever spots the alliteration, ha)


y cuando llegue el momento, sólo el viento se llevará lo que siento; y cuando acabe mi suerte, sólo en la muerte estaré fuerte y despierto...
#8
I really wanted to like this piece but it fealt a little...blah. I dont think this helps much but I agreed with them (^^^) that it could use some imagery or something to help potray what you are trying to say. Try using antithesis or parrellism or some other literary device. And maybe its just me but I think there is a kids book called "Are you there God?" so idk maybe thats just me (i ma not trying to make you change the hwole name/chorus of the song or anything lol). Good job though keep on writing and strive for perfection.
#9
I understand how people could come into this one severly biased one way or another. I really want to say it's an awesome song because it's a Christian song, but I will try to approach this as objectivly as possible... And my verdict is... Blah. Too many like that already....
#10
i don't think it's written too well either... grammar and spelling are two things needed for anything posted in this place. it was very plainly written in that nothing stood out
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