#1
Black Water

don't look at me like that
i know what you're going through
it's always the same story told
this isnt your only choice
your tragedy kills me

as you tread the black water
pulling you further under
drowning in your sea of fears
reaching out for the surface
can you find your way?

disreguard the help from another
begging inside to be released from this prison
yet, still you tell yourself things will be better
but soon enough, you find out
things will be never be that great

between the lines we don't read
lies the secret to our need
ask the questions that never need answers
avoid the truth because you know
the truth really hurts, deep down inside

don't look at me like that
i know, EXACTLY what you're going through now
it's the same old story
and this tragedy kills me

chorus x2


any opinions, suggestions, comments, ect. are welcomed
#2
This is really good man, nice title too. That's what got me first, reminded me of "green water" by a band called "an Angle" which i don't know if you've heard of but your first verse sort of reminded me of them too.

I really liked this, i thought it was simple and brilliant.

Suggestions though, things like having a flow and a steady rhythm. Use illiteration and think baout how the words sound in a song. When i write my songs i'm actually singing them as i write them so i know how it sounds in my head as i'm writing the words down, otherwise you get in a jumble of words with no structure what-so-ever.

That's basically it, i can't find much else with it. THis is the first piece of yours that i've written and while i enjoyed it i see room for improvement.

Hope that helped

If you get a chance could you crit mine please? "westward, forward, onward" link is in my signature, thanks alot
Need Singing Advice?; Read the first page then ask questions.

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Damn Auals, you're messed up. :P


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This just reminded me of the time that my brother in law texted his mom on the night after his wedding. All it said was "Consummated."