#1
This is pretty much... well if you know interpol, then you can see where most of the material came from.

And before you say "OMG FORCED RHYMES!" most of it... and by most i mean 99.9% of it goes with the poem/song so don't be a "FORCED!" noob.


Is this love or is it lust,
I'm not so sure anymore,
Would you walk out if I asked?
Or would you nod and say "Sure."

I'm afraid of being here,
As you ask me to sit down,
Don't you know you're my greatest fear,
Oh, wait your hair is so profound.

Should I hesitate to move?
Hell I think I'll start to run,
Should I be frustrated cause it's dark?
Girl, we don't need the sun.

Your legs are scandalous,
I'm not afraid to ask,
"Won't you take off the facade,
And hand me that mask?"

Girl, there is no need to hide,
I could give you a spot in heaven,
Oh, wait girl there is no need to cry.
If I was you I would've left him.

Your body is impervious to,
Suggested Pop-star fads,
Your mind is glorious too,
But with me I doubt it'll last.

Spent all this time looking for someone,
Who has my sense of love,
Little did we know, these attributes,
Were symptoms of lust.
-------

oh and please attempt to guess the meaning of the song, and every stanza...

i love people analyzing my lyrics... but if you dont wanna just crit the work itself
Thanks
Last edited by dragon1604 at May 13, 2006,
#3
Is this love or is it lust,
I'm not so sure anymore,
Would you walk out if I asked?
Or would you nod and say "Sure."

I liked this, it was a good hook and rhymed well.

I'm afraid of being here,
As you ask me to sit down,
Don't you know you're my greatest fear,
Oh, wait your hair is so profound.

Good, good, the story is rolling.


Should I hesitate to move?
Hell I think I'll start to run,
Should I be frustrated cause it's dark?
Girl, we don't need the sun.

Good.


Your legs are scandalous,
I'm not afraid to ask,
"Won't you take off the facade,
And hand me that mask?"

This was the only forced rhyme. The mask part didnt make much sense to me.

Girl, there is no need to hide,
I could give you a spot in heaven,
Oh, wait girl there is no need to cry.
If I was you I would've left him.

This was good, the story is picking up again. The flow was only okay though, I think if you reword some of it it could be better.

Your body is impervious to,
Suggested Pop-star fads,
Your mind is glorious too,
But with me I doubt it'll last.

This was good, the pop-star part was a wierd word, but the rest was still good!


Spent all this time looking for someone,
Who has my sense of love,
Little did we know, these attributes,
Were symptoms of lust.

A good ending.

Not a big fan of the Interpol rhythm, but the song was good, I liked it.
"1456"... if you're reading this, you know what the code means, and i mean every word of it.... 1456!!!
#4
not to insult you in anyway :iloveyou: but how do you not get the facade/mask part? lol no offense, it kinda seems placed, but it goes with the story.


I'll analyze this so people dont confuzzle stuff

Is this love or is it lust,
I'm not so sure anymore,
Would you walk out if I asked?
Or would you nod and say "Sure."
(she opens the door to him, late night, questioning his feelings)


I'm afraid of being here,
As you ask me to sit down,
Don't you know you're my greatest fear,
Oh, wait your hair is so profound.
(She is trying to explain something, he's frightened, but comforted by the sight of her hair)

Should I hesitate to move?
Hell I think I'll start to run,
Should I be frustrated cause it's dark?
Girl, we don't need the sun.
(Thinking up his moves in his head)


Your legs are scandalous,
I'm not afraid to ask,
"Won't you take off the facade,
And hand me that mask?"
(They are now having sex... well he thinks that.
AND the facade/mask part is just saying "You don't have to fool me, I know your what I want,")

Girl, there is no need to hide,
I could give you a spot in heaven,
Oh, wait girl there is no need to cry.
If I was you I would've left him.
(When it says "Oh, Wait" he snaps back into reality.)

Your body is impervious to,
Suggested Pop-star fads,
Your mind is glorious too,
But with me I doubt it'll last.
(Once again thinking about her in his mind)

Spent all this time looking for someone,
Who has my sense of love,
Little did we know, these attributes,
Were symptoms of lust.
(He leaves, probably already had sex with her, regretting the decision.)