#1
well, we all were on the chat and wrote a poem one line at a time, crit it like you would any other piece. Crit 4 Crit I guess although i dont know how that will work. the theme we chose was freedom and this is how it played out. Following completion I added puntuation where i figured it was needed by the words remain pretty much intact

Eternal Bondage

Lingering on the senses, eternal bondage,
Endangering the freedom of the people,
Holding the truth for his own good,
Everything is taken away;
And within the fray the ramparts give way
And tears ran down the breaking chains of slavery;
Yet he finds another way to lock you,
Chained by faith for what you can't achieve,
While the reeve delays the futility of rain
And the stom slowly drifts away,
Saying he gives solely hope, but only gives pain.

Subside until the storm returns,
Subside until the tide turns west,
Waiting and waiting for the tides to fall;

Let it drift out till nothings left,
But a wreckage of our forgotten past,
Reminiscent of a laugh from a willow?s sway,
He will manipulate you into his way;
Misled forever until your mind is open;
And the poppies are free from disposition,
Watching them fly by till the end of time
#2
It is also about freedom, peace, and chaos all at the same time. Having something wonderfull and watching it go. It was fun making this.
#3
i think every fourth line is best...

edit because i don't want a warning for spam: and by the way every fifth line sucks..
Quote by HendrixEdge
My work will never be to the majority's tastes; and to be honest; I've no problem in accepting that.


If the doors of perception were cleansed, every thing would appear to man as it is, infinite.
Last edited by Dämonschatten at May 13, 2006,
#5
damn you! damn you to hell!


ummm..you got some of my lines wrong, lol
The trouble with nude dancing is that not everything stops moving when the music does.

Last.fm
#7
as for the crit for crit, i'll do it since i crit the best... kidding. but yeah i'll do it
Quote by HendrixEdge
My work will never be to the majority's tastes; and to be honest; I've no problem in accepting that.


If the doors of perception were cleansed, every thing would appear to man as it is, infinite.