#1
"On a Different Page"

Vs 1 She never cried on those lonely nights
She looked for love, but all she found was lust
She's a mystery, like an open book that's hard to read
She's so hard to follow, is there a reason why I bother

Chorus: But she's on a different page
Than you and me
Maybe I should...
Pick another to read

Vs. 2 As it gets past the hour, I grow more and more a coward
And as I walk right past her, my heart begins to beat faster
She's wearing a disguise, But I can see into her eyes
I don't want to give up, Because she's worth so much

Chorus: But she's on a different page
Than you and me
Maybe I should...
Pick another to read

Bridge: Let me into your heart today
I'll mend you, heal you, in a different way
I don't care what they have to say
Cuz through me, you'll live another day

Ending Chorus: Now she's on the same page
As you and me
And the words are
So much easier to read


EDIT: here's my other song if you wish to crit on it also. It's called See Your Face.
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=358420
Last edited by Partyboy2k05 at May 14, 2006,
#2
hi there partyboy, nice song. hmm.. u thought of changin "hard" on either line 3 or line 4 of the first verse? dunno, it would be good if u found a stronger word for line 4 imo. other than that, it's a good start for this song.
the chorus, as short as it may be, works pretty well when i read it to myself. i like the metaphore.
the second verse is easily the one i like best, i really get the feel of the song here. i'm not too sure about line 3, though. dunno, "she's wearing a disguise" sounds slightly too typical, i think i'd look for smth different (i was thinkin of "she's built up a disguise", mixin up the concept of wearin a disguise and buildin a facade or smth like that, but never mind, i'm not that inspired right now ). anyhow, nice verse.
hmm.. when i get to the bridge it all seems to change in relation to what this song conveys. i mean, all the way till now, the piece is full of acceptance (due to the chorus, mainly), but then, at the bridge it looks like all that acceptance fades and changes to desire - u want to make her happy and help her, even though u sense she won't let u. makes me wonder, though, if u're speakin to her there or just thinkin aloud (u grow more and more a coward, but u don't want to give up). makes a good ending, anyways.
overall, i like this piece. u have good ideas and a nice writin. any chance of hearin a recordin? good job, keep it up.
ana.
so who do i have to kill to get a crit? --> Memory


(e-cookie for whoever spots the alliteration, ha)


y cuando llegue el momento, sólo el viento se llevará lo que siento; y cuando acabe mi suerte, sólo en la muerte estaré fuerte y despierto...
#3
Yeah, I'm in the process of recording it. The ending bridge, the song kind of changes with the melody. It's a soft acoustic and kind of sad sounding, then that part comes and it's more of what I would want to say to the girl. The theme is a girl that no one can get through to, almost with a Christian type theme to it. It's not a love song, but could be viewed as one depending on the persons perspective. I'm thinking about putting on an ending chorus where it changes the words around a bit, like "Now she's on the same page as you and me, and the words are so much easier to read" I'm still playing around with it until I actually make the demo. But thanks for the crit. I'm always in the process of writing songs, just never got around to getting them up on here.
#4
I really like it. It has a nice story to it, it's kind of like me, and the girl I can never get through too. But it's not about me, it's about you and your pretty sweet song, I, personaaly (and this is just my thought), think that you should add another stanza to the chorus, although, it probably fits well when you play it. Maybe you could have a stanza in the backround inbetween pauses? Just a thought. Keep up the good work man.
Quote by NAME GOES HERE


Did you see what I did there? I made fun of his mom!
#6
that endin chorus u added sounds a bit weird in my head, but i gues that's just me. dunno, i think i can't really say much, just hope u do get this song recorded cos i'd quite like to hear it. so could u possibly pm me or smth if u post a recordin? i'd appreciate it a lot.
ana.
so who do i have to kill to get a crit? --> Memory


(e-cookie for whoever spots the alliteration, ha)


y cuando llegue el momento, sólo el viento se llevará lo que siento; y cuando acabe mi suerte, sólo en la muerte estaré fuerte y despierto...