#1
My brain is dying. Crit for crit, leave links and I'll get to yours tomorrow.


**********



The sky is awash with the colors of night.
And with tired minds and tired souls, I collapse, hoping;
Praying for rest, for release, that it might come,
In the form of freedom; the anchoring thought
That we will one day be together.

Hollow chambers reverberate
The songs perfectly, and dissonant chords become one,
And unfurl to their full majesty;
Songs we swayed and danced to
Songs that held me and left me.
Songs that weave in and out of my delicate sanity.

And my pulse quickens;
I will not let this fade.
Not because this is the end,
And not because this is pretend,
Because while we waltz and dance in the chambers,
The patient sunrise is lying in wait
We will perish.
And we have.
There is no place else to go
The theater is closed
#2
This seems OK.
The variation of the lines, and also the seemingly random rhymes made it interesting. The imagery is good and well thought out, but not surprising. I also wasn't sure about the ending, but after looking over it again, I think it completes the poem well.

Overall, decent work
#3
That was quite beautiful actually but the first stanza was weak compared to the rest and:
"Hollow chambers reverberate
The songs perfectly, and dissonant chords become one,"
you should not have capitalized Songs maybe as it made the adverb seem very out of place, and confused me for a little bit until I realized it should read "Hollow chambers reverberate the songs perfectly" maybe adjust that, but otherwise this piece is quite a fun read,

Please stop by mine https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=359179 'tis my first for the site.
Jesse Wants To Die Just As Much As You Want Him Dead
#4
I think this is a really well thought out and creates good imagery. I personally think the line 'Songs we swayed and danced to' sounds better as 'Songs we danced and swayed to'. Also I don't really like the line 'Because while we waltz and dance in the chambers'. I think this would sound better maybe without the because, and maybe just one verb, either verb or waltz, but thats just me . If you have time could you check out my first song

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=359216

edit: oops, where i said either verb or waltz i meant dance or waltz
'You can get further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.'
Al Capone
#5
Many thanks to all, crits are in progress.

Knife2agunfight, I didn't mean to capitalize that .
There is no place else to go
The theater is closed
#7
Quote by FS01
i though it said 'of frankfurters and fallaces'


Ok.

It's spelled "phallus" by the way.
There is no place else to go
The theater is closed
#8
Songs that held me and left me.
Songs that weave in and out of my delicate sanity

Well written song mate, very pretty =P really nice usage of words. Although, im not to sure about the end, it lets the rest of the song down. Well for me anyway.
I really like this, 7and a bit out of 10 from me =p
Crit the song in the link of my sig pleeeees x
Quote by calvinthecanadi
I'm now an official Franzaholic.


Meep is a word.
Use it.