#1
ok, so this is a poem i wrote about my life, and how quickly one thing can change to another, and realizing in the end, that what i have is really great, although it took me until just now to realize that was the main theme of this poem... well im not really sure if its any good or not, but i think i portrayed my emotions and thoughts pretty well, any constructive criticism is welcome, and appreciated, thanks a lot.

The morning approaches
they have gone to rest,
while seeking out my deliverance.
there is nowhere to turn
I have to get away.
sitting home at night
I lose my head with one light
the leave is this, I find

as I lose my mind
I laugh away
watch the rain fade
into a daze of grey
all night I watch
the colors pass by
like the plastic faces
of friends from old times

They come and go,
with nothing to show, but
enmity and envy
for the neighbors they once bestowed
lives of glow, joy to show
for what life is worth
its not sitting at home
but letting go

as I lose my mind
I laugh away,
watch the rain fade
into a daze of grey,
all night I watch
the colors pass by
like the plastic faces
of friends of old times

and as the foray ends,
the night snaps back
reality upends me
as I sit and wonder
what could have been?
Sitting in the dark
waiting for my spark,
to take me off, until morning comes,

and I lose my mind
one more time
as I watch the rain fade
into a daze of grey,
cant take my eyes
away, the colors pass by
like the plastic faces
of friends from old times

and I sit in wonder,
where have they gone
gazing in awe,
as morning is here
and life forms of the night
begin to disappear
and look at myself
I clearly can see
how amusing time can be
Trey is a Jedi.

Co-Founder of the Ten Years After Fan Club. PM me or TheHeartbreaker to join.

Member of the Grateful Dead Fan Club. PM deadhead313313 to join.

Member of the Frank Zappa Fan Club. PM deadhead313313 to join.
#2
Im no expert, but id have to say thats pretty good. I really like the detailed imagery, "watch the rain fade
into a daze of grey,
all night I watch
the colors pass by
like the plastic faces
of friends of old times"

and i also like the first stanza, the whole idea of morning approaching, and new beginnings and whatnot.
good job, keep on writing


https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=359967
#3
hey thanks a lot, ill definetly check yours out too man!
Trey is a Jedi.

Co-Founder of the Ten Years After Fan Club. PM me or TheHeartbreaker to join.

Member of the Grateful Dead Fan Club. PM deadhead313313 to join.

Member of the Frank Zappa Fan Club. PM deadhead313313 to join.
#4
*cough* bump *cough*
NEED CRIT
Trey is a Jedi.

Co-Founder of the Ten Years After Fan Club. PM me or TheHeartbreaker to join.

Member of the Grateful Dead Fan Club. PM deadhead313313 to join.

Member of the Frank Zappa Fan Club. PM deadhead313313 to join.
#5
FAQ *reported*! although I read it and Liked it.

EDIT:
actually I don't know how to report per se but this is defianately worth it.
Jesse Wants To Die Just As Much As You Want Him Dead
Last edited by Knife2aGunFight at May 15, 2006,