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#81
Quote by Ins
..and this is in the 'horny kids' thread because... you liked it?


No. I have no idea why I put it in. I was really freaked out at first, and I went into denial.
#82
Quote by MannishBoy91
i used to hump the filter of my pool........



http://www.seizureandy.com/stuff/guts.html

It seems to go along with this thread pretty well. Its just a short story, no gross pictures or anything.

I honestly cant think of anything really exciting. I however never had any pissing contests?

Aside from playing doctor with a girl when I was like 4, who I still know and have a thing for to this day(17 now) thats about it.

EDIT:This thread is sadly way too amusing
#83
Quote by ma)(payne
Aside from playing doctor with a girl when I was like 4, who I still know and have a thing for to this day(17 now) thats about it.



You dirty, dirty.... pimp?
#84
Quote by Holy Katana
You dirty, dirty.... pimp?


No not at all, I've asked her out twice. Not since like grade 7 when it didnt matter. But got shot down both times. Even worse, I brought it up like a year ago and she forgot about it>
#85
Quote by ma)(payne
No not at all, I've asked her out twice. Not since like grade 7 when it didnt matter. But got shot down both times. Even worse, I brought it up like a year ago and she forgot about it>


So you actually asked her, "Do you remember when we used to play doctor?"

#86
The only thing I remember when was I was 6 I think, everyday after school I'd invite the girl next door over to my house and dry hump her until I was bored. This went on for about 2 years. Than when I was 10, I was in ths shower feeling my ballsack than I got hard, and I started to masturbate. I didn't cum until I was 11 though, to this day I still masturbate every day, it's a habit now, sadly, that's all I can think about right now.
#88
Quote by Robbie n strat
Right up until I was 10 or 11, me and my friends would have contests to see who could wee the furthest in the school toilets. We'd stand about 10 feet away from the urinals and wee from there. The place always smelled of piss, unsurprisingly.

When I was around 7 or 8, we had a swimming lesson once a week at school. In the changing rooms we'd all jump around so our dicks and balls bounced all over the place, which we found hilarious. We'd also grab the end of our penises and pull them between our legs, then we'd either close them to make it look like a females bits, or leave them open so that a testicle would hang from either side, making it look like some sort of alien.

Another thing which has come to my mind, but isn't really "horny", is that I used to shit along my back street. It was hilarious when it got blamed on peoples dogs.

There was a girl in the year below me when I was around 7 or 8, who when asked to show you her fanny, would happily do so. Me and a friend made the mistake of asking her outside her house, with her mother watching through the window. We've never ran so fast.

you've done some sick ****.
Quote by bassmo_part2
Embryodead even if she was the hottest thing on the planet, there are lines you just don't cross and on my side of the line we don't finger our sisters.

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#89
not really horney, but i do it now. When im home alone i like to strip to me undies and rock out really loud and dance and headbang and just get into it.. in fact, i am right now.. btw im like 16.

-EDIT- and i do it in drop d, which makes it even dirtier.
For these things give thanks at nightfall:The day gone, a guttered torch,A sword tested, the troth of a maid,Ice crossed, ale drunk.-The Hávamál
#90
My God. . i thought i was bad. . . you people are ****ed up!

anyways. ..i had a "girlfriend" when i was about 4 or 5, when i went to the supermarket, i used to buy her jewlery out of the little fifty cent machines, we never kissed or anything like that that i can recall. . .

After that, i was pretty boring, i used to give myself boners by thinking about girls around 5th grade but never jacked off.

Around 7th grade, i was taking a shower, and since soap is such a whore, i was washing my dick and came for the first time, it scared the crap outta me(not litterally)
#91
Quote by DanimalCrackers
I miss being 5... when I used to get some.


haha
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#92
yea last week me and my freind kyle were in the bathroom at school and this kid was takin a **** so we decided to make a piss arch over the stall and onto his face...it was priceless
Quote by notoriousnumber
I didnt think you could be that much of a twat. Piss off.
#93
Quote by Holy Katana
So you actually asked her, "Do you remember when we used to play doctor?"



No, me asking her out got brought up and she had no memory of it ever happening.

I bet she would remember playing doctor though
#94
yea last week me and my freind kyle were in the bathroom at school and this kid was takin a **** so we decided to make a piss arch over the stall and onto his face...it was priceless

Haha, that **** was funny. Then he tried to get up and he slipped and fell in the piss.
#96
Quote by XtremeSkater69
I once humped the **** out of a giant stuffed teddy bear when I was 10.


My friend has this giant stuffed gorilla looking thing, and he still humps it to this day. (He's 16) The only reason I know? I walked in on him, which was EXTREMELY awkward.
#97
one time me and two other friends got naked in my shed, lol
and once I got caught peeing in my backyard by my neighbor
#98
Quote by Jminnich500
yea last week me and my freind kyle were in the bathroom at school and this kid was takin a **** so we decided to make a piss arch over the stall and onto his face...it was priceless

LMAO
i did somtin similar to that earlier this year to my friend only me and a couple other ppl pissed on paper towels and threw them over the stall at him a couple hit him in the face. we told him it was water on the towels to, and he believes us LMAO
#99
Quote by Robbie n strat
When I was four I would get the stamps which had smiling faces or stars on and said "Good work!", "Excellent!" etc, which the teacher would use to stamp on peoples work if they had done well. I'd use them to stamp all over my arse and scrotum.


I'm sorry, but that's just screaming to be sigged.

Quote by guitar_god22

thats about south africa tho...which isnt poor at all.
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yea venezula is just the richest country in the world...
#100
Well i'm still fairly young so i still hump random things
~gtrfrk


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RIP Roger "Syd" Barrett


"Let the good times roll"
#101
OH. MY. GOD.

This is the first thread that has made me actually cry with laughter. There is some seriously sick shit in this thread, but I have to admit I've done a few of them lol
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#102
Robbie you are a legend. If there was a "Horneyest Ugger Award" I would so vote for you right now.
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#104
Originally posted by Random Horny Ug'ers:

When I was around 7 or 8, we had a swimming lesson once a week at school. In the changing rooms we'd all jump around so our dicks and balls bounced all over the place, which we found hilarious. We'd also grab the end of our penises and pull them between our legs, then we'd either close them to make it look like a females bits, or leave them open so that a testicle would hang from either side, making it look like some sort of alien.

I use to make "houses" out of chairs and blankets and pillows, etc. and then sit inside and play with my twanger. Fun ****

and even later, at around 12-13 we knew this fat kid who always had the house to himself and he had a huge tv with pay per view. porn channels unlocked. we seriously went to his house after school with like 5 people, all got on the couches and chairs, got blankets over ourselves and whacked off. no interaction with each other though.

Another one. I tried to have sex with a bubble bath bottle, but the opening was too small.

Yep, done all of them and:

One time, when I was about 7, I took photos of my 9 year old (male) cousin naked in several different places. This was incredibly awkward when the film was developed and our gran and my uncle (his dad) saw the photos. That led to a further unpleasant chat

One time, when I was 5 and my 7 year old cousin (female this time) had been recently informed about sex and and had decided that I was to be her first. She told me that she wanted me to put my willy in her. I was scared and said no, she was a munter anyway

This one time, I was stayin at the house of friends of the family. I found my way to the underwear drawer of the hot daughter, and proceeded to sniff my way through as many as I could before going into to bathroom to wank.

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#105
In first grade, I wipped out my Penis in the middle of class. My teacher was in the middle of reading a story and she was like "Look class a fire truck!" Pointing out the window, and then she started yelling at me.
#106
when i first moved to ontario from quebec when i was 12 i knew english pretty well, but i didnt know any slang. On halloween i dressed up as a monster from monsters inc. and when people asked me what i was for halloween i replied "i'm horney"

people still laugh at me for that.
Vin Diesel's date to his high school prom was a 5 ft inflatable penguin named Party Pierre.
#107
Quote by Robbie n strat
Right up until I was 10 or 11, me and my friends would have contests to see who could wee the furthest in the school toilets. We'd stand about 10 feet away from the urinals and wee from there. The place always smelled of piss, unsurprisingly.


Dude, Me and my friends did the exact same thing (in 2nd grade). We'd pee all over the floor and stuff (OK, that's kind of gross, lol). One time some little SOB told on us and we all got citations! That was great when I had to explain to my parents what I was doing.

Oh as well, I had this friend when I was probably five and his dad kept all these porn mags under his bed. So, my friend and I would grab them and look at them when he was gone. There was some f*cked up sh*t in those magazines!! This one chick had like a breast down to her knee!!! (And it was supposed to be pleasureable; luckily I was too young at the time to know what was going on!)

So basically, you didnt bang a girl, because she was shocked how small it was.
Lolz @ j00 and your tiny p3n1s.



I *heart* Metal ----Violent J----
Last edited by violent.j.11 at May 15, 2006,
#108
Quote by ma)(payne
http://www.seizureandy.com/stuff/guts.html

It seems to go along with this thread pretty well. Its just a short story, no gross pictures or anything.

I honestly cant think of anything really exciting. I however never had any pissing contests?

Aside from playing doctor with a girl when I was like 4, who I still know and have a thing for to this day(17 now) thats about it.

EDIT:This thread is sadly way too amusing


That was the sickest thing I've ever heard.

Seriously, ma)(payne, you are the king of finding gross material on the 'net.
#109
Quote by rich_sg
Bloody hell, half the people in this thread should be in prison for conspiracy to create naeusea.

yeah seriously....................... this thread is something that you know you shouldnt look at, but you just cant help reading through it...


i didnt do anything as perverted as most of you guys... all i remember is spending a lot of time climbing up this rope on my playground. when you lift both your legs up to the next knot, it felt really.... interesting. i did it a lot- this was when i was probably about 6. i had no idea what that feeling was....
Quote by mr. cool
popapez fucking knows every thing from how to touch a girl right to how to speak spanish
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#110
Quote by grimreaper65
That was the sickest thing I've ever heard.

Seriously, ma)(payne, you are the king of finding gross material on the 'net.


If yur talkin about the story it isnt THAT bad. I think its kind of a love it or hate it thing. Just like "fight club"
#111
^ He rips his intestines out of his asshole by trying to get off on his pool filter? Then when he does, the sperm he ejaculated impregnated his sister?

That's just wrong, and stuff doesn't usually gross me out.
#112
Quote by grimreaper65
^ He rips his intestines out of his asshole by trying to get off on his pool filter? Then when he does, the sperm he ejaculated impregnated his sister?

That's just wrong, and stuff doesn't usually gross me out.


I dunno I thought it was brilliant. In a twisted sorta way.

"I'd tell you what it tasted like, but you'd never eat squid again"

or whatever it is he wrote, I havnt read it in a long time. Either way, like I said along with chucks books, its totally love/hate.
#113
It was very well written, and funny in places, but the last couple paragraphs were just too much.
#114


I just remembered this one time, my friends and I were trying to see who could hold their eyes open the longest, so my friend blew on my other friends eyes so he would close them. So I said "Holy Crap, He's giving him a blowjob.

Unfourtunately, it happened during a lesson, exactly when everyone went quiet.
#115
Quote by grimreaper65
It was very well written, and funny in places, but the last couple paragraphs were just too much.



Thats it though, its awesome then the end is just...BAM..its awesome, I dunno. Yur the only person that has read it so far though apparently. Which sucks
#116
Yeah I use to like hump the floor, like no matter who was around me at school, at home, outside occasionally.
For Those About to Rock I Salute You
#117
Quote by Robbie n strat
One of my female grandparents is a caretaker at the village primary school, so I got to go into the school on weekends when there was only me and her around. When I was four I would get the stamps which had smiling faces or stars on and said "Good work!", "Excellent!" etc, which the teacher would use to stamp on peoples work if they had done well. I'd use them to stamp all over my arse and scrotum.



ROFL
Dude.. seriously LMAO
Havn't laughed that hard in a while
Bring back Tabo
#118
Quote by ma)(payne
If yur talkin about the story it isnt THAT bad. I think its kind of a love it or hate it thing. Just like "fight club"


Come on, it is THAT bad. The guy shat his insides out and chewed through his own intestines for christs sake.
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#120
This one time in Second Grade me and my friends would go in the bathroom and have like a huge crap contests, and we would sit in the stalls for like 10 minutes trying to crap something huge out. This one kid always cheated by putting a bunch of toilet paper in the toilet and saying that he stopped up the toilet. Mine always came out corny and deformed looking. Unfortunately, we got in trouble for being late to class by the teacher...


Also I have found a bunch of Dildos and Vibrators in my friends mom's dresser and snuck into his house when he wasnt home and messed with them, and of course put my face in the thong drawer and put her G-strings on my head. Then I heard the garage door open and had to run like hell for my life. Scared the crap outta me....


Another time a while ago there was this house that was being built in my neigborhood and I was looking in it one day when noone was working on it and I found this porn0 mag in the bathroom drawer. I proceeded to look at it (of course) but then left shortly after. However later that night I snuck out of the house late at night to go get it and it was GONE!!!! Dirty Mexicans and their porn.....
Last edited by DiabloViper at May 15, 2006,