Page 4 of 57
#121
Quote by Robbie n strat
^
I've tried having sex with the gap between the cushions you sit on, on one of my couches.

I also tried lubricating a plastic bag with liquid soap, putting that between the same cushions of the couch and having sex with it that way.

One of my female grandparents is a caretaker at the village primary school, so I got to go into the school on weekends when there was only me and her around. When I was four I would get the stamps which had smiling faces or stars on and said "Good work!", "Excellent!" etc, which the teacher would use to stamp on peoples work if they had done well. I'd use them to stamp all over my arse and scrotum.


im honestly considering sigging this, late i know, but still. In fact, anything you've said.

I love you man.
#122
Quote by PT 2 DOOR RULE
Yep, done all of them and:

One time, when I was about 7, I took photos of my 9 year old (male) cousin naked in several different places. This was incredibly awkward when the film was developed and our gran and my uncle (his dad) saw the photos. That led to a further unpleasant chat



Oh boy... that's sigged.
[SIZE=
#123
Quote by ma)(payne
http://www.seizureandy.com/stuff/guts.html

It seems to go along with this thread pretty well. Its just a short story, no gross pictures or anything.

I honestly cant think of anything really exciting. I however never had any pissing contests?

Aside from playing doctor with a girl when I was like 4, who I still know and have a thing for to this day(17 now) thats about it.

EDIT:This thread is sadly way too amusing

#124
Quote by DeSean
Is all these weird things that people have been doing, a normal part of growing up? Did I miss out on something?


I was wondering the same thing.
Quote by rush4life
Pretty much all of Fox's buddies were a pain in the ass. Falco was such a dick.




Member #13 of the UG Pink Floyd fan club. PM TimiHendrex33 to join.
#125
I'm actualy kind of sorry I missed out on all this stuff. Actualy I remember being like eight, and I would walk around the changeroom with my wee-wee hanging out, and then these older kids told me to put a towel over my body. I couldn't understand why, but I did anyway. As well, my brother caught these two kids peeing in one of those foot-operated sinks., He ratted them out too.

This thread is great.
Ain't Nuthin' But a UG Thang: Generic member of the UG Hip Hop/Guitar Music Equality Illuminati

Quote by mydarkesthour

It seems like UG is full of those Caveman Metalheads

Quote by mydarkesthour
I meant caveman as in long haired....


#126
Quote by ma)(payne
I dunno I thought it was brilliant. In a twisted sorta way.

"I'd tell you what it tasted like, but you'd never eat squid again"

or whatever it is he wrote, I havnt read it in a long time. Either way, like I said along with chucks books, its totally love/hate.



you have a point. If you've read all chuck's books (survivor's my favorite) you walk into that story knowing what palahniuk is capable of, and you walk out of it laughing your ass off.

When i first read it, i laughed out loud when he said "If i told you what it felt like, you would never, ever eat calamari again..." priceless
Quote by esther_mouse
...bingo. signaturisation. like burnination, only even more flamey.


Worth listening to
#127
Okay, here we go...

Starting when I was somewhere between 4-7, me, my firend down the street, and his sister would have what we termed "Naked parties". Basically, we all got naked and jumped all over the bed and ran around the room like kids do. Occasionally, when I was at their house but my friend wasn't there (His mom would babysit for me), I would take baths with his sister. We played with each other's privates a bit, but we didn't realize exactly what we were doing. she was also my first kiss on the lips before they moved away. We also set up their tent in the back yard and played doctor a lot, but sometimes in the morning we would go out and do that on their trampoline. I think his sister was a years younger than me, and he was a little older.

Later on, sleeping over at a friend's house, we would set up his tent and steal some of his dad's porn and look at it.

A few years later, I was living in another town, and my best friends sister was my babysitter. She introduced me to online porn. I think she was 16, and I was around 12 or so. In my curiosity, I started touching her like I saw in the movies, and for the most part she actually didn't stop me. o.0 Of course, my friend still doesn't know.

Around this time was when I was really figuring out that my winky could really feel good. I started cutting holes in Cantaloupes and oranges and sticking them in the microwave (Hey, those buggers were cold!), so that I could try and have sex with them. i also tried the stuff with the couch cushions, and I cut holes in my bigger stuffed animals to hump them.
Quote by thewho65
What if I want my c*ck to smell like an egg roll?



GENERATION 9: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social experiment.
#128
haha, naked parties.

Me and my aunt's whom are a year older and a year younger than myself have had quite a few expierences.

I remember trading the older one underwear back in kindergarten,
and umm..feeling her up when I was 11.

Also flashed certain body parts back in 5th grade with the younger one.

..yeah.

=\
#129
Ugh.


When I was like 7 my family and I were living in my loaded Aunt's house in Scottsdale, Arizona. I was a horny little bugger so I would always go into those hilarious little Yahoo Chat rooms into the user created ones and pretend I was a woman. You know what happens then. Well, turns out my dad walks in and reads the convos. It was the most humiliating experiance of my life and my Aunt and uncle and cousins still bring that up whenever im around them.

I remember looking at porn online often before my mom came home with my sister and one time she found a site titled "Pussy" in the history. I think I told her it was my sister.. and I really think I thought I had her convinced. I was an idiot.
#130
when i was like 7 and my sister was 10. We would play video games and whoever lost would have to take off a piece of clothes. Turns out my sister was intensly interested in the male form.

Man i got alot of stuff to right about.

When i was like 12 i was too afraid to look up porn on the computer cus my dad had a keystroke recorder on the comp. So everyday after school i would come home sit down and watch TRL on mtv so i could watch the britney spears video where shes naked then go and jack off.

I have my foreskin. When i was in kindergarten i was taking a piss and this kid was checking my piece out and he was like Wtf is on your dick. why does it look so different from mine. And we commenced in discovering eachother's sexualty. Scary thing bout it is that i was talking to the kid a couple weeks ago and found out hes gay.


more to come
#131
wow this is a very funny thread....

not really that funny..but I used to jack off when i was like in 2nd grade and when i reached 6th grade i was humping the space between the matress and base thing yon my bed and stuff came out and iw as like in shock for the rest of the day
#133
Quote by meh!
I have masturbated on the back of a life sized panther doll.


...Don't ask




I know this thread is very long, and this is on like the first page, but I just wanted to say....


SIGGED.
I truly am my own redeemer
Blindly I follow none but myself
Without fear I am
Unhallowed be my name

Myself am hell and hell I shall unleash
I laugh at Thee to scorn
Mock Thy majesty
Pour forth my chalice ov victory
#134
Quote by ma)(payne
http://www.seizureandy.com/stuff/guts.html

It seems to go along with this thread pretty well. Its just a short story, no gross pictures or anything.

I honestly cant think of anything really exciting. I however never had any pissing contests?

Aside from playing doctor with a girl when I was like 4, who I still know and have a thing for to this day(17 now) thats about it.

EDIT:This thread is sadly way too amusing


rofl what a poor mother ****er. couldnt imagine having to chew off my own intestines to get above the water for air. that'd just suck a giant rotten ****.
Quote by fire within
rblotnicky- you are one of the best posters for the sex threads and the one who gets most fun

but jeezo

Quote by P. Townshend
rblotnicky...you are my god
#136
When I was eight, me and my best friend started "practicing for girls".
Which involved us going into the woods, and him sticking his dick in my ass.
The last time we did it, his sister caught us.
#137
man **** read a chuck palahniuk book...that story about the pool masterbator came from haunted...all his books are ****ed up good reads
witty quip and/or reference
#138
Reasonably gross, thoroughly entertaining, it's the horny things you did when you were a kid thread.
#139
Quote by cnut
When I was eight, me and my best friend started "practicing for girls".
Which involved us going into the woods, and him sticking his dick in my ass.
The last time we did it, his sister caught us.


you mean your friend literally put his dick inside your ass?


hahaha SIGGED!!!
one should not feel threatened by opinions contrary to his own
#140
Quote by cnut
When I was eight, me and my best friend started "practicing for girls".
Which involved us going into the woods, and him sticking his dick in my ass.
The last time we did it, his sister caught us.


In other words you were naive enough to be tricked. Aww.
Quote by Idiot_Son
i went to the pub. the look on the bartenders faces when they realised theyd been serving me alcohol illegally for the past two years was priceless.

Quote by stiff-upper-lip
DoGaLog, i think youv jst owned everyone on this thread and well done.
#142
sometimes me and my negibohr (male) would pull dow are pants and play with each other twangers,there parents caught us,it wasnt fun,but no thinking back it was quite gorss
#143
when was the last time both of you did that? yesterday?
one should not feel threatened by opinions contrary to his own
#144
Quote by PT 2 DOOR RULE
One time, when I was about 7, I took photos of my 9 year old (male) cousin naked in several different places. This was incredibly awkward when the film was developed and our gran and my uncle (his dad) saw the photos. That led to a further unpleasant chat


Me and my brother did a similar thing. We kept our clothes on but took pictures of our bottoms and our genitals, without telling my mother. She said when she went to get the pictures developed, she'd never been so embarrassed in her life. The chemist refused to give her the photos (unsurprsingly) because he probably suspected her of being a paedophile.

When I was around 12-14, I would try different soaps as lubricants for masturbating. I found that if I used washing up liquid, or certain types of handwash, then all of the skin on my penis and scrotum would become calloused. That bloody terrified me, when I realised that my skin was becoming very hard. After going a few days without masturbating, the hard skin would begin to peel off. If I scratched my balls, it would create a sort of scrotal dandruff. Not pleasant.
You wouldn't believe how satisfying it was to peel the skin off though. I remember I was waiting in my friends bedroom whilst he went to the toilet, and I pulled a bit of skin off my scrotum that was about an inch in length and width. I ended up putting it under his bed.
#145
Quote by Robbie n strat

You wouldn't believe how satisfying it was to peel the skin off though. I remember I was waiting in my friends bedroom whilst he went to the toilet, and I pulled a bit of skin off my scrotum that was about an inch in length and width. I ended up putting it under his bed.


I understand and i ahve acutally peeled skin of my sack as well.

But thinking about it makes me gag.
On vacation from modding = don't pm me with your pish
#146
I've got a few.

When I was about 5-6 my Mum had this big knitted stuffed doll done like a naked girl, so naturally I got butt-naked got under the covers with it and sort of rubbed it againts me length. Well thre was a glass on the cabanet next to me, I knocked it with my arm and my Mum came into to take it downstairs. Hastily I put the doll by my bed but I was still in the nuddy. She pulls the sheet of me and is greeted by me, penis and all.

Another time I was like 7-8 and there was a sex-ed book on my brothers shelf. I read it and come to the section on masturbation, intruiged I tried it, nothing came out but that is when I started.

When I was 10-11 I went with 3 other mates to a sleepover. We all dry humped, we were all boys. The creepy thing is is that two of my mates went under the covers together and didn't emerge for about an hour

When I was 13 my step-cousin came round(guy) for a sleepover. We crept downstairs about two in the morning and turned on Bravo, it was some really Shite porn film. But we both started jackin' off, we said we were pretending but the he disappeared to the toilet(to finish off) and I finished off too
Quote by I_am_spartacus
thats so stupid it made my left testical infertile...thanks...asshole
#147
^^ damn u beat me to sigging him
i can see into the future but when i see you i will try to look surpirsed

Hell Rising: Mozza, lvl 5 Vampire/Human
#148
Quote by Robbie n strat


When I was around 12-14, I would try different soaps as lubricants for masturbating. I found that if I used washing up liquid, or certain types of handwash, then all of the skin on my penis and scrotum would become calloused. That bloody terrified me, when I realised that my skin was becoming very hard. After going a few days without masturbating, the hard skin would begin to peel off. If I scratched my balls, it would create a sort of scrotal dandruff. Not pleasant.
You wouldn't believe how satisfying it was to peel the skin off though. I remember I was waiting in my friends bedroom whilst he went to the toilet, and I pulled a bit of skin off my scrotum that was about an inch in length and width. I ended up putting it under his bed.




you're killing me robbie.
___________________________


___________________________
#149


This thread. Oh my god. There is some amazing stuff in here.
Quote by its_alive
rich_sg, I promote you to Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. of the Pit. way to speak your opinion.


Quote by ErnieBallfists
RICH_SG you are a filthy person for accusing me of dirty trolling , you are a stiff coconut
#150
Quote by ma)(payne
http://www.seizureandy.com/stuff/guts.html

It seems to go along with this thread pretty well. Its just a short story, no gross pictures or anything.

I honestly cant think of anything really exciting. I however never had any pissing contests?

Aside from playing doctor with a girl when I was like 4, who I still know and have a thing for to this day(17 now) thats about it.

EDIT:This thread is sadly way too amusing

holy crap, I know know that if something can make ME feel ill then it's not of this world. Chuck is a legend
Ibanez RG1570
Epiphone Black Beauty
Line 6 Spider II 112
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#151
Quote by RUSH_R30
the part between the matress and the box-spring, you know, that space....


PS= ITS MY BIRTHDAY, just so you know......


YAY now its MY birthday!
#153
What the hell is going on...............????
WHY DID I BECOME A HOBO!?

Currently playing - Bioshock (360) Forza 2 (360) Mario Kart (Wii) and some CoD4 (360)
#154
I got another one, i wasn't involved in it as much as other kids, but around third grade there was a phase of looking up "dirty words"(penis, vagina, boob, sex etc.) in the dictionary and all the kids gathered around and snickered.
#155
Quote by ma)(payne
http://www.seizureandy.com/stuff/guts.html

It seems to go along with this thread pretty well. Its just a short story, no gross pictures or anything.

I honestly cant think of anything really exciting. I however never had any pissing contests?

Aside from playing doctor with a girl when I was like 4, who I still know and have a thing for to this day(17 now) thats about it.

EDIT:This thread is sadly way too amusing


that. is pwnage of the 3rd degree.
#157
In 7th grade me and my friend used to go to the bathroom and see who could cum first...lmao...then we would high five afterwards!!! aahahahaha
Dead soldier! Go now to Valhalla!
#158
Quote by ma)(payne
http://www.seizureandy.com/stuff/guts.html

It seems to go along with this thread pretty well. Its just a short story, no gross pictures or anything.

I honestly cant think of anything really exciting. I however never had any pissing contests?

Aside from playing doctor with a girl when I was like 4, who I still know and have a thing for to this day(17 now) thats about it.

EDIT:This thread is sadly way too amusing


thats by the guy who wrote fight club! (which is one of the best book ever)
but this one is just vile....just plain wrong
Originally posted by SoFad
Guys, I'm in need of desperate help, it's been like 2 weeks since my last dump. I can't get there anymore

wow, good luck

Quote by MorelloMan1992
...

elephants.


...


buttsecks.

...

...

elephant buttsecks
Last edited by 6stringwizard at May 16, 2006,
#159
Quote by Gman400
In 7th grade me and my friend used to go to the bathroom and see who could cum first...lmao...then we would high five afterwards!!! aahahahaha


holy crap that was the funniest one so far....