Hiding you

Verse 1

Gently wasting away, cant make it,
Strolling through your life,
Living through things you've never tasted,
Taken by suprise,
But still you live through this, you make it,
I can see it in your eyes,
The pain your going through inside,
Hiding You.


Seeing the everything in everybodies life,
Not wanting to know the truth but what you know is right,
Present taking the past away and no more can you see the light,
Cause everything is changing and it just dont feel right.

Verse 2

Dont know what to put in verse 2, need help with some lyrics please. Its about an old man
hi there, unforgivable. this piece has a nice feel to it, but i think your writin is kinda disorganized, like your ideas r scattered around randomly instead of related to one another. dunno, i really get the impression that u're not too sure of what u wanna say or express, so i think u ought to think about it and work on it.
that said, this piece flows pretty well in my head and the choice of words is ok, especially for the rhymes. only thing here, imo repeatin "right" in the chorus doesn't work quite as well as "make it" on the first verse. that's mainly cos line 2 of the chorus seems pretty confusin to me, as if u were tryin to use the word no matter how ambiguous the line sounded. i think i'd reword that line to make it a bit more meaningful.
i'll give u some suggestions for the second verse if i have any ideas, but meanwhile i'd appreciate it a lot if u could tell me where this piece came from, what inspired it and all.
good job, man. nice work.
so who do i have to kill to get a crit? --> Memory

(e-cookie for whoever spots the alliteration, ha)

y cuando llegue el momento, sólo el viento se llevará lo que siento; y cuando acabe mi suerte, sólo en la muerte estaré fuerte y despierto...
I Moved To La Frm Hawaii, And I Am Interested In Joining/starting A Punk,metal,reggae Type Band( Like Sublime, Or Skindred Maybe).
I Play Guitar, And Do Some Singing, Looking For A...

-maybe A Trumpet Or Sax?
-vocalist (a Female Vocalist Would Be A Interesting Concept)

You Do Not Have To Be Super Good But U Have To Be Open To Playing Different Music...

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