#1
Ok I've written a new song here. This one's is about how two chicks I don't like, like me. Don't call me a "pimp" or "player" 'cuz I don't like them. Its really pissin' me off 'cuz I don't like them and they won't stop bothering me.

Verse
Don't tell me things I already know
Like the fact that your all ready to go
One thing I can't say outright is holding me in
And if I say it, you lose, I win
Open fire, on this heart torn in two directions
With either one of you I'll never win an election
Answer this call of the wild, with a closed mind
I'll have to turn atleast one blind eye

Chorus
Never is enough
This can't even begin
I never wanna' do that stuff
This shouldn't start, just end
You were wrong and I was right
Just set this heart alight
We would be nothing but a has-been
So, thanks but, never is enough

Verse
Just let me stand alone, leave me be
In my mind I have a silent plea
Set me down on a feild of grass
Turn around and don't come back
Leave me here sitting alone
This seems like something out of the twilight zone
Twist around as I see the shadows
Who's following me, no one knows

Chorus (x1)

Bridge
I don't know how and I don't know when
One will begin the other will end
One will start the other will fail
A mask hidden behind this veil

Chorus (x2)

Crit for crit as always.
If The Archers Bows Have Broken, Then I Hope To God They Know How To Fight.
#2
Open fire, on this heart torn in two directions
Bloody brilliant here, i like it! I like the title, Never is Enough, its pretty smart.
The only bit i didnt like was With either one of you I'll never win an election
Cuz that line seemed a bit forced, like you couldnt think of anything else. All in all it flows well.Damn good.
Its not your best work, but VERY GOOD!!! 7/10 from me, ur no1 fan.
Oh and calvin?
I have sumthin to ask you, im tryin to PM you but ur inbox is full...
franz xx
Quote by calvinthecanadi
I'm now an official Franzaholic.


Meep is a word.
Use it.
#3
Thanks for the crit Franz. I'll empty my inbox right away.
If The Archers Bows Have Broken, Then I Hope To God They Know How To Fight.
#4
Bridge
I don't know how and I don't know when
One will begin the other will end
One will start the other will fail
A mask hidden behind this veil


My favorite part of the whole song. It just flows so well and really just rolls off your tongue. Hmm...at the moment I'm kinda blank, but the twighlight zone part was genious, kinda of a funny punch line in the middle of the song to lighten the mood. Good stuff.
#5
Thanks for the crit, Partboy.
If The Archers Bows Have Broken, Then I Hope To God They Know How To Fight.
#6
It's really hard to take this seriously for me. The style is very juvenile and the rhyming really adds to that tone. I suggest that you attack the subject at a different angle and try to incorprate a more mature sounding tone, since this one sounds rather... in the words of all the ignorant teenagers that flood this place... emo.

You can do better than this cal.

check out my latest if you would return the favor::An Evening in Nagasaki


!troy!
#7
I'm so hurt you helpful mod, you! Really, I know its juvenile but I wrote this about two years ago in grade 7. Lol, you make me feel so emberassed.

EDIT: I think I've got writers block.
If The Archers Bows Have Broken, Then I Hope To God They Know How To Fight.
Last edited by calvinthecanadi at May 16, 2006,
#8
a pretty good song. i like the rhyme scheme, but at the same time, rhyming can make songs sound like a rap until put to music. "This seems like something out of the twilight zone " was an interesting line to incorporate into the song. nice rhyme, but it kinda takes away the seriousness of the song. overall i give it a 9/10
#9
Yes I agree with Troy here it is very juvinille and the rhyme scheme and silly lyrics just add to it. But as you say it was written a long time ago.

Hey stop on by and we can share our juvinille old songs together as this one was from a summer ago: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=361357 . I'm posting old stuff while I work on my new stuff, I'm excited about a new song I'm writing tenously titled Calcium Carbonate but will probably end up being a full sentence as all mine are usually.
Jesse Wants To Die Just As Much As You Want Him Dead
Last edited by Knife2aGunFight at May 17, 2006,
#10
Lol, I was an immature bastard back then... Thanks for the crits guys! I'll get a look on yours Knife2aGunFight.
If The Archers Bows Have Broken, Then I Hope To God They Know How To Fight.