#1
it's long i know

but i felt like i needed to expand.

so here you go, read and comment if you feel obliged to.

Don't leave it to the last minute, don't leave me hanging by this
thread. You knew i was labelled "fragile, handle with care". You
can see the wires crawling from my arms. Your hands controlling
my every thought, my sporadic movements were only ever for
your pleasure.

I'm counting my fingers, gazing at the clock. The answer's to my
questions are always the same. The words i can remember but
These feelings are forever changes. The morning holds something
different, yet the nights are always the same. The drone of the
television plays in my mind. The words of two lovers, setting the
scene for a murder come dawn.

The words that you are saying, the way you never look me in the
eye when the truth is lurking. I loved how you thought i would
never know, but your ignorance always was the blind spot in
your wing mirror.

You said you'd never take this lying down. "Let's try it again. This
time with feeling." An answer to everything, but you never
realised that it takes two to tango.

You say that you're telling me lies just to keep me by your
side. "if that's a crime then arrest me now." The phone's off the
dial sweetie, they're on their way.

"and you're dead"

In your dreams you drown in vain. They are saying "Welcome"
with open arms, open hearts break with ease. It's common
curtesy y'know, so handle with care.

24 with a 7 beside. That is my love for you.
Quote by Jaret Reddick
wake me up when september ends makes me cry evry time!

emos forever
:-(
#2

You said you'd never take this lying down.

Taking Back Sunday line....

I really liked this one, I'd tell you why, but it's just one of those things where i can't really understand why. It really stood out to me like something I've never seen.

Good job.
And if ever You come near, I will hold up high a mirror.
Lord, I could never show you anything as beautiful as You.
#3
^^i hadn't actually realised about the tbs line, i might have to change it.

thanks for the comment, much appreciated.
Quote by Jaret Reddick
wake me up when september ends makes me cry evry time!

emos forever
:-(
#4
i'd definitely change that TBS line lol.

i don't have a lot of time right now so i can't fullcrit like i usually do for you haha, but i'll post again laterz with it. for now all i have to say is that i like it. except that line. because it sounds gay. but that's not your fault, that's TBS' fault
Quote by Kensai
Maybe you've heard what the ladies say: "Once you go 77mm you don't go back"
#5
haha

damned taking back sunday.
Quote by Jaret Reddick
wake me up when september ends makes me cry evry time!

emos forever
:-(
#6
instead, i'm just gonna pick out the things i didn't like about it.

You knew i was labelled "fragile, handle with care".
k IMO this "fragile" bit sounded really lame. like some cheap emo core band. just sounds trashy to me dom.

I'm counting my fingers,
dunno what you're going for ehre really, but this would sound better as "I'm counting on my fingers".

You said you'd never take this lying down.

yah lol, change that.

"Let's try it again. This time with feeling."

that sounds damn familiar as well. i'd change it.

An answer to everything, but you never
realised that it takes two to tango.
as does this. Someone on here had a piece called "it takes two to tango" agessss ago. Might've been you. Might've been Kylie. I duno really. but yeah. Sounds a bit odd IMO

You say that you're telling me lies just to keep me by your
side. "if that's a crime then arrest me now." The phone's off the
dial sweetie, they're on their way.

this sounds very very Fall Out Boy or TBS-esque. Not saying it's a abd thing, jsut saying that I guess it seems kinda... I dunno... unoriginal... lacking in creativity. I dunno.

24 with a 7 beside. That is my love for you.

that's really corny IMO. I don't feel it.


but haha yeah apart from that this is good Dom.

not as good as your other recent workzZ.
but it just needs a little work I think.

good job.

love,
alice.
Quote by Kensai
Maybe you've heard what the ladies say: "Once you go 77mm you don't go back"
#7
i like it its cool. It sounds from the heart. Is it or is it just like something you made up straight away.
<3[FiTB]?>