#1
Well, another try at a song. This one I would like to thank my ex-psychotic girlfriend. I guess everyone has those though

[verse 1]
I met you in the park that day
I made my move, my first mistake
And ever since, the beauty left that day
Everything is a mistake in some way

[pre-chorus]
Cause I set my standards high for you
And now Im pushing them back down
I thought you were the best for me
But I had just screwed up

[chorus]
I thought you were the one
From my hopes and my dreams
But you tore me down
and you threw me around
You look like an angel
But you're an omen underneath
I thought you were the one

[verse 2]
Only if you didn't catch my eye
If I had let myself pass you by
But I have made my mistakes
That I now live with everyday

[pre-chorus]
[chorus]
I hoped you were the oneeeee
[chorus]
#2
It always makes me a little nervous when folks post uncopyrighted material. :P

I am a regular correspondant to the "Library of Congress". They have hours of my tapes, and tons of my lyrics. :P

Psycho ex's hmmm? May i add my own version of such an experience?
Avast Ye Scurvy Scalawags!

Pirate Gear:

Charvel/Jackson 3B Bass
Series 10 5-String Bass
Vintage 70s Ampeg SVT/SVT 8x10 Cab
Ibanez GSA 60 Guitar
Roland Cube 15 Amp
Yamaha DD-55 Drum Machine
TASCAM 424 Portastudio
#3
im not to worried about it. if people really want to steal my music, screw em :p. im not gonna pay for a copyright when im just using these songs to have some fun

and my ex was aweful. she was such a (insert cruel word here). i couldnt call her before 9 because she thought i was bad conversation and she didnt want to waste her minutes
#4
Cool

If it means anything to you, my first song lyric was not that good.
Avast Ye Scurvy Scalawags!

Pirate Gear:

Charvel/Jackson 3B Bass
Series 10 5-String Bass
Vintage 70s Ampeg SVT/SVT 8x10 Cab
Ibanez GSA 60 Guitar
Roland Cube 15 Amp
Yamaha DD-55 Drum Machine
TASCAM 424 Portastudio
#5
"Memory"
-----------

You broke me down and took my dreams
twisted them all around
you touched my life like no one could
and kicked me to the ground

deep inside where none can see
scars that bear your name
to the end of time i carry them
I'll never be the same

(Chorus)

When it's over
and I'm far away
please don't even speak my name
just let me fade into darkness
where I want to be
without a second thought for you
not even a memory

bitterness and small regret
I'll get over this
get over you yet
If it takes forever
all I have is time

(repeat Chorus)

---------------------

Not my best effort. I was trying to find one named "Second Skin" but I can't find it at the moment :P
Avast Ye Scurvy Scalawags!

Pirate Gear:

Charvel/Jackson 3B Bass
Series 10 5-String Bass
Vintage 70s Ampeg SVT/SVT 8x10 Cab
Ibanez GSA 60 Guitar
Roland Cube 15 Amp
Yamaha DD-55 Drum Machine
TASCAM 424 Portastudio
#6
It's all fine for the style it sounds like you're trying to write to- Pop in the style of Simple Plan, Blink 182, ectetera- but if you're trying to appeal to a more demanding audience, you might want to expand your vocabulary and ideas a little more. The world has a million love songs. Write something else.

There's a lot of cliches in there too. Imagine a "love song" where, shocker: It's the dude's fault the relationship didn't work out. Or maybe one where the tortured heart gets over it and finds his life much more fulfilling and worthwhile.

Anyway, if you have time, please give mine a line or two: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=360796
So turn off the lights cause it's night on the Sun....

if anything i say comes acrosss as pretentious, tell me what an asshole i am.
#7
Eheh, i love songs where the guy has to take the blame.

My favorite is a COUNTRY song ( Easier said than done ) by Radney Foster.

I have a couple songs like that, which reflect real life screw-ups i have made. :P
Avast Ye Scurvy Scalawags!

Pirate Gear:

Charvel/Jackson 3B Bass
Series 10 5-String Bass
Vintage 70s Ampeg SVT/SVT 8x10 Cab
Ibanez GSA 60 Guitar
Roland Cube 15 Amp
Yamaha DD-55 Drum Machine
TASCAM 424 Portastudio
#8
cliche filled, i really didnt feel like there were any besides maybe the angel thing

and the reason why its not the dudes fault, because its a true story. im not gonna alter the story of my life just to appease others. I havnt really picked a style yet, just kinda playing around and seeing how everything goes.
#9
I hate to say this, but "cliches", and things that SOUND like them work.

Musicians, we are are poets, dreamers, outsiders.

but the average listener is not.
Avast Ye Scurvy Scalawags!

Pirate Gear:

Charvel/Jackson 3B Bass
Series 10 5-String Bass
Vintage 70s Ampeg SVT/SVT 8x10 Cab
Ibanez GSA 60 Guitar
Roland Cube 15 Amp
Yamaha DD-55 Drum Machine
TASCAM 424 Portastudio