#1
Stupid title. My attempt at being whitty.

Crit it please?


The light discriminates,
Illuminates the fakes
leaving me sitting here
In the black.

The lights weigh down on me,
The lights interrogate.
Just looking for a response,
Pushing me over every time
I regain balance.

It?s such a simple mindset.
Living to be loved, Loving life itself.
But it?s so unrealistic, living in a dream.
The ocean breeze blowing in my hair,
The sweet smell of fresh, flawless air.

And I know that one day we?ll wake up.
And we?ll see the light, the blinding light.
Open my eyes, to see the light of a new life.
Open my eyes, to breathe a fresh breath.

We?ll get sidetracked, don?t worry.
Following through is a lost virtue.
But I?d rather drown knowing
That I was swimming for the shore
Then live another day in this skin.
And if ever You come near, I will hold up high a mirror.
Lord, I could never show you anything as beautiful as You.
#2
I didn't care too much for the font, but the title made me laugh.

The piece was alright. Nothing stand-out, nothing hide-in.

I guess it'd be easy to sing though, so that's a positive.
#3
The title is a good one. It's funny. I agree with the above ^^ it's alright.

However, in the first verse I think you could change the word "black" to something else, sounds a bit odd for some reason.

I think your second and third stanzas are the best- I like the "flawless air" part.

Please crit back here
#4
The light discriminates,
Illuminates the fakes


That kicked ass. I really like this song, its pretty,well worded and awesome.
The title really was rather funny, and il give you credit for the originalness of it!! Twas a 7/10 from me. Nice one *hands over chocolate watch*
Can you crit the song in the link in my sigg please?
xx
Quote by calvinthecanadi
I'm now an official Franzaholic.


Meep is a word.
Use it.
#5
thanks to all of you.
And if ever You come near, I will hold up high a mirror.
Lord, I could never show you anything as beautiful as You.