#1
you've got to keep pace
with the others in the line
can't be stepping on toes, now
do your best to follow suit

get them moving, three abreast now
pack in as many as we can
these single-minded fools know not
the purpose to the plan

can't stop for those who stumble, no
for we would lose our place in line
must get our righteous deeds done, soon
to sit with the divine

is this not contradiction?

don't question those who lead.

I don't like marching blindly...

Walk not with sight, but speed.

I can't see that far behind me,
nor can I see ahead...
It's all these thoughts of failure, see
that fill me full of dread.

nonsense, now, sheep think not for themselves
you keep pace with the others
because its all you know
ever have known
and ever will know.
those who think for themselves
will turn back,
and lose track,
trampled by the rest.

And the sheep
wander on.


...I myself did not write this, but, the writer is very quiet about his work and I thought he should be heard, or in this case, seen......
I watch my memories fade with time, but I'm too young to worry.... .a7x.
#2
Looks like a quality song to me. Good job.
Fender MIM Strat w/SD Hot Rails in Bridge/Marshall AVT275x/Digitech RP200/Dunlop Classic Crybaby/Fender MIM Jazz Bass/Fender Rumble 25/Pearl Forum 5 Piece Drum Set w/Zildjian ZBT cymbal set/Shure SM58/Line 6 Toneport UX-1.
#3
you've got to keep pace
with the others in the line
can't be stepping on toes, now
do your best to follow suit


The person didn't really have a rhyming scheme in this first set as they did in pretty much the rest of the poem/song. I kinda like rhyming, but the suit at the end just kinda throws me off.

is this not contradiction?

don't question those who lead.

I don't like marching blindly...

Walk not with sight, but speed.


I do like this verse though, assuming this is supposed to be from the position of the sheep or a sheep in the story.

nonsense, now, sheep think not for themselves
you keep pace with the others
because its all you know
ever have known
and ever will know.
those who think for themselves
will turn back,
and lose track,
trampled by the rest.


This set just seems very inconsistant. Maybe by switching words around or sticking with the former setup would be better. Because many readers will be lost if you(the person who wrote it.) just change the format on them, it just doesn't flow too well.

Not a bad one though, just a lil work will make it better.
#4
Yeah, I noticed the inconsistancy in it too, but, I think he was more about the words than the rhyming.
I watch my memories fade with time, but I'm too young to worry.... .a7x.
#6
Quote by Partyboy2k05
Good point. Some songs get by with it if the lyrics just fit well to the music. Is it a poem or song?


I'm not really sure, actually, I think it started out as a song then became a poem.
I watch my memories fade with time, but I'm too young to worry.... .a7x.