#1
hello again friends. I dont know if were only supposed to post once a day so, heres my second hoping I dont get in trouble. I dont have a title for this yet, please tell me what you think and if you can help me think of a title. I dont know what this one is about really. Well, I do but its confusing. Anyway, here it is.

Cheers


You of all should know
There?s nothing better than
Self delusion

But you?re different
You don?t do what
The jealous do

You built your world around yourself
And found yourself in perfect safety
You don?t go knocking down my walls
You put your world out there to see

Do you like the way the cold feels?
Would you like to let your wounds heal?
Do you like the way the cold feels?
Would you like to learn what is real?

Wake up now
Restoration
We can?t find anyone better
And your hibernation
Is tearing us apart

Wake up now
Restoration
We don?t want anyone better
And your absence
Is breaking my heart

Well you should know
Self allusion is the worst
For your nerves

But you?ve changed
You don?t do what
The jealous do

You built your walls around yourself
To keep all the others outside
You built these walls around yourself
To make sure the others say goodbye

Do you like the way your home feels?
Would you like to let your wounds heal?
Do you like the way your home feels?
How cant you see what is truly real?

Wake up now
Restoration
We can?t find anyone better
And your hibernation
Is tearing us apart

Wake up now
Restoration
We don?t want anyone better
And your absence
Is breaking my heart
#2
You of all should know
There?s nothing better than
Self delusion

But you?re different
You don?t do what
The jealous do

Good start

You built your world around yourself
And found yourself in perfect safety
You don?t go knocking down my walls
You put your world out there to see

This was a good part, but the last line didn't seem to fit. It was kinda like a forced rhyme somehow.

Do you like the way the cold feels?
Would you like to let your wounds heal?
Do you like the way the cold feels?
Would you like to learn what is real?

This was great!

Wake up now
Restoration
We can?t find anyone better
And your hibernation
Is tearing us apart

Wake up now
Restoration
We don?t want anyone better
And your absence
Is breaking my heart

Sounds good. Didn't really rhyme but not every piece has to... Maybe you could add a rhyme scheme?

Well you should know
Self allusion is the worst
For your nerves

'For your nerves' sounded strange. I don't think this part didn't fit very well with the rest of the piece.

But you?ve changed
You don?t do what
The jealous do

You built your walls around yourself
To keep all the others outside
You built these walls around yourself
To make sure the others say goodbye

Good! Story is coming back now. I like this part.

Do you like the way your home feels?
Would you like to let your wounds heal?
Do you like the way your home feels?
How cant you see what is truly real?

Nice.

Wake up now
Restoration
We can?t find anyone better
And your hibernation
Is tearing us apart

Wake up now
Restoration
We don?t want anyone better
And your absence
Is breaking my heart

I thought maybe you could give it a better ending... but I liked it overall. It felt like someone is going away for a stupid reason and she's not helping anybody, even his/herself.
"1456"... if you're reading this, you know what the code means, and i mean every word of it.... 1456!!!