#1
Makeshift Wings - Something about Angels

This is not a test, This is not a dream
This is, the real thing, I, I hear you
Lets just close our eyes, and hope for the...

Our whispers echo, with equal effort of
Screaming our hearts out

Help me, I can't help you from here, from here
Help me, I can't help you from here, from here, from this

Balcony, so high, underneath the covers
I can see the sidewalk, where your innocence
is painted black

From far we looked like giants
but up close we're just children
standing on the shoulders of the
mile high...


well thats the the song by my band if you want to hear it you can find the song here.

please feel free to tell me what you think
#2
Quote by Makeshift Wings
Makeshift Wings - Something about Angels

This is not a test, This is not a dream
This is, the real thing, I, I hear you
Lets just close our eyes, and hope for the...

I dislike the part "This is the real thing" right after "This is Not a Dream" it seems like the close rhyme comes to quick IMO. Also I dislike the "and hope for the" without it leading anywhere. The rest of it I like though.

Our whispers echo, with equal effort of
Screaming our hearts out

I like the part "Whispers echo" part, I think thats neat seeing as echos don't produce a large enough sound wave to echo. The other part I'm not fond of though.
Help me, I can't help you from here, from here
Help me, I can't help you from here, from here, from this

I don't like this part, no real suggestions though

Balcony, so high, underneath the covers
I can see the sidewalk, where your innocence
is painted black

After reading it three times I dont fully understand the first line, but overall I like this verse. It's kind of neat in a way that I can't figure out what you mean, it more leaves it open to interprtation.

From far we looked like giants
but up close we're just children
standing on the shoulders of the
mile high...

I like the giants to children illusion, I think it's good.


well thats the the song by my band if you want to hear it you can find the song here.

please feel free to tell me what you think


Overall I would give it an 8/10. It's not my type of song but it shows thought and potential. If you could crit one of mine or both if you want that would be great

Dream Chaser:
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=361379

War on Politics:
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=360939
Its how you look and how you feel
#3
I really like the lyrics, but my opinion of the recording isn't as optimistic.

The intro was pretty long, but I liked the little riff you had going on there.
The first set of lines was sung pretty well, but once you hit the first chorus I felt like it just lost everything. I also thought the double vocals at the end just made it extremely muddled and hard to understand what either was saying.

On the good side, the quality of the recording was well done, and the intro is IMO the strong point of the song. These lyrics have potential, just practice a bit more and it will be sounding good in no time!

Oh btw, if you want more crit on your recording, go to the recording forum.
#4
Wow you guys I'm so happy you deeply analyzed everything, I wasn't expecting as much I'll definatley check out your songs Hauf and I'll try things out in the recording forum, olp
I'll start working on everything you guys said and do my best to make the song as best as I can make it

thanks alot guys it really means alot to me