#1
Kind of a 180 from the last song I posted, but yea. Critique it up and make sure you leave your link!!!!

Someday


You're the lucky one, you're full of it and yet you're drained.
You're the only one with which any of this can be blamed.
You're the guilty one maintaining your sweet innocence.
You're the lonely one surrounded by all of your friends.

Here's the story kid, the headline for all of the world
And the author is allowing himself to unfurl
All his secrets and his deepest and dark mysteries.
For this bitter end you won't have to wait long to see.

Someday you will figure out that you're wrong,
You'll see what you had's what you've wanted all along.
I hope that by then there'll be someone else to stand
Because I can't be the one just waiting to hold your hand.


So where's your reason now? I believe that you owe me, explain
What you've done and how you thought it could leave life the same.
Come on, is what you found really what you thought you traded for?
Please forgive this sound, though cliche tell me is less really more?

Someday you will figure out that you're wrong,
You'll see what you had's what you've wanted all along.
I hope that by then there'll be someone else to stand
Because I can't be the one just waiting to hold your hand.


Excitement and laughter to shadows and pain
Or maybe the remenants of what you could've gained.
Excuses and hold-outs for making it last,
There's no point in trying when it's all in the past.
Or trial and error to perhaps find out why
There's things that you'll live for and for others you'll die.
Can hope be enough for sustenance? No.
Can the causing of pain be a reason for hope?
I'm tired of trying of maybe just tired.
It's so hard to escape from your sweetly barbed wire.
Don't try to explain because I won't understand
Since it doesn't make sense and I don't want to listen.

Someday you will figure out that you're wrong,
You'll see what you had's what you've wanted all along.
I hope that by then there'll be someone else to stand
Because I can't be the one just waiting to hold your hand.


All 'because' are sung "cuz" in case that makes it easier for you to read.
Thanks for your time.
Last edited by lookleft at May 18, 2006,
#2
=p i enjoyed this, speshally the chorus as it was sweeeeeet.
I dont have much crit for it apart from, i think the last verse was abit long. It kinda made the song lack abit.
Id like to hear it with music, did you have any particular genre in mind?
Anyway, its a really good job here, and a 8/10 from me =P
Can you crit mine? the link is in my sig.
franz xx
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Use it.
#3
All his secrets and his secrets and his deepest and dark mysteries.

Secrets sounds too repetive here. In fact, it is a complete repeat. I think you could drop the second "his secrets".

Someday you will figure out that you're wrong,
You'll see what you had's what you've wanted all along.
I hope that by then there'll be someone else to stand
Because I can't be the one just waiting to hold your hand.


I like this chorus, but maybe the last two lines could be:

"I hope that by then there'll be someone there to hand
Cos I can't be the only one that understands"

Just a thought.


I enjoyed this, it is well written. 8/10 from me. Keep it going.

Any chance you could critique my song here, I would appreciate it.
#5
i actually enjoyed this... good job... 8.5/10

I have to agree with jammy dude... secrets was 2 repetitive..

check my latest song, grief and despair

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=361609
Quote by ibaRGnes321

My grandma gives me the stranges things.

Last year for my birthday she got me soap on a rope. SOAP ON A ROPE! I have no idea what possessed her to do this.she was completely serious about it too.
#6
Thanks for the critiques guys! I'll get to all of yours ASAP.
To clear a couple things up, the secrets thing was a total typo. lol. it was only supposed to be there once.
Also, the long section is the bridge of the song.
I think I put a recording online..let me check.
#7
sweet! thats the best word that describes this one. good work. I would give you a 9/10
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