#1
im really new at this.

hello, hello
im brusied and battered again
hello, hello
whats left to pretend

im fallin, fallin
to the end
im racing n pacing,
im gonna bend
im tried of hearing all these lies
i wish that i could twist and die

goodbye, goodbye
my blood is all i can spend
goodbye, goodbye
my enemys are my friends

im fallin, fallin
to the end
im racing n pacing,
im gonna bend
im tried of hearing all these lies
i wish that i could twist and die

no one can see me
i dont wanna be ME!!

im fallin, fallin
to the end
im racing n pacing,
im gonna bend
im tried of hearing all these lies
i wish that i could twist and die
#3
erm..try to understand that you dont have to rhyme when you write songs and i think it's a little EMO (you may be and if you are thats ok) also keep up the good work
#4
im really new at this.

hello, hello
im brusied and battered again
hello, hello
whats left to pretend

well, obviously you mean 'bruised' and not 'brusied.' This stanza is catchy but simplistic. It's catchy, I don't really like it, but it's also not really my style.

im fallin, fallin
to the end
im racing n pacing,
im gonna bend
im tried of hearing all these lies
i wish that i could twist and die

i thought the 'i'm gonna bend' was a forced rhyme. It doesn't need to be there, imo. and i'm sure by 'tried' you mean 'tired.'i also didn't really like the last line, and i'm not quite sure.

goodbye, goodbye
my blood is all i can spend
goodbye, goodbye
my enemys are my friends

this is an alright stanza, I don't really like it but that doesn't mean it isn't good.

im fallin, fallin
to the end
im racing n pacing,
im gonna bend
im tried of hearing all these lies
i wish that i could twist and die

obviously, same comment here that I had before.

no one can see me
i dont wanna be ME!!

this is a very bad part imo. there are so many possibilities of other ways to word it, and quite honestly, at first read it doesn't make much sense.

im fallin, fallin
to the end
im racing n pacing,
im gonna bend
im tried of hearing all these lies
i wish that i could twist and die


this isn't bad for one of your first pieces, altough in many places i thought there were forced rhymes and cliched clichéd phrases. All in all, 5.5/10