#1
ZOMG!!1 S0c14l c0mm3nt4ry!!1

Living is the New Fighting

I need blood that's not
Made of lighter fluid
I need more than just
Gunpowder behind my eyes
Cause I'm tired of thinking
I'll go up at any moment
I guess it's time to bite the bullet
And ask the question

Are we a nation of broken hearts
Locked and loaded
Waiting to fire off
And destroy something beautiful?

Everyone here has got
The same sad heartbreak story
We're looking down the sights
Right into eachothers hearts
With safety off and one eye closed
There's no such thing as depth
So I guess it's not surprising that
The whole world seems so shallow

Are we a nation of broken hearts
Locked and loaded
Waiting to fire off
And destroy something beautiful?
Are we just loaded chambers
In this social life roulette
Waiting for our turn to come
To explode into the sun?

Woah
The only thing worse than war
Is having the guns and nothing to fight for

Are we a nation of broken hearts
Locked and loaded
Tired of being given abstract
Causes for war?
Are we just loaded chambers
In this social life roulette
Waiting to find
Something to live for?

Are we a nation of broken hearts
(The only thing worse than war)
Locked and loaded
Tired of being given the same
(Is having the guns and nothing to fight for)
Causes for war?
Are we just loaded chambers
(The only thing worse than war)
In this social life roulette
Waiting to find
(Is have the guns and nothing to fight for)
Something to live for?
...(Repeat and fade out)

Rock On
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[url="http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=727775[/url"]Pattern Recognition

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#2
Is it just me? Or are there multiple threads coming relating to the subject matter?

Anyways, I thought that the first verse was great and loved the references. It's great and is well written imo. No problems there for me. I'm not sure that I like the first line of the second stanza. I don't like the use of broken hearts in this piece for some reason... I can't put my finger on it at the moment. This goes for the first two lines the the third stanza but the rest is brilliant I think. I like where the third verse is going so far. Oh... it's now just repetition. (this is stream of thought-ish commentary!!!!1!!one)

Overall, I think it's a decent and solid piece from you Pete. You keep using the metaphor throughout and it's really effective imo.

I have a piece called "An Evening In Nagasaki" if you would take a gander, bro.

!troy!
#3
I read that one, but never commented. So I'll comment this time.

Anyway, thanks for the read. I was trying to get across the "we're broken hearted and bitter" sort of feeling. But kinda left out the "bitter" part. So maybe I should like...say it. Ya know? Regardless, thanks

EDIT: It actually started when I was being broken hearted, and my friend I was talking to told me her broken-heart story, so I was like "Woah, are we all like that?" So yeah. Who knows.

Rock On
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[url="http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=727775[/url"]Pattern Recognition

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#4
I really like the use of metaphor here. Reminds me of some Saves The Day lyrics and Diego's Hot Balloon Ride if you have any idea what I'm talking about. But Really I agree witht eh above crit but I don't like the the 'worse than being at war having guns with nothing to fight for line' maybe replace guns with a country with? If you have the time: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=361357
Jesse Wants To Die Just As Much As You Want Him Dead
#6
Thanks for the reads, fellas. I'll get to the link when I can.

Rock On
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[url="http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=727775[/url"]Pattern Recognition

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#7
I like the bullet/fluid rhyme... If that was intentional.. You are pretty clear in what your saying, and you don't dance around your point. You up front and straight forward. I like that. I think it would sound good with some sweet music to it, but based on just the lyrics, it's just not doin it for me, dog (said with a Randy Jackson voice). 6 1/2 outta 10.

Please crit mine. https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=361710
#8
Thanks for the read. I'll get to the link when I can.

Rock On
Newest Lyrics:
[url="http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=727775[/url"]Pattern Recognition

Short Stories:
Anniversary