#1
Candied Hearts And Sugared Blood
Written by Zach Redrup

No matter how hard it is to believe,
I can assure you, I am no work of fiction,
This is a dark serenity you leave,
Pucker up, 'cause my ass is made for kissing,

Resting atop the pinnacle of hate,
Preparing to dive back into my arms,
Tyrant, I never sent you an invitation,
My arms won't accept your return,
You may plummet further, what do I care?,
Your fluids will leave my floorboards a nice finish,
"I love you" has never smelt so sadistic,

I can still taste your tongue upon mine,
Yet it's slowly fading as time goes on,
But next time our tongues create friction,
My teeth will claim your tongue as their own,
Barricading the lies that escape your mouth,
Along with the truth constantly rearing its head,
"I love you" has never smelt so sadistic,

You are claiming that this is clarity?,
Together, yet unsure that you love me,
I have felt like **** for far too long,
So I reclaim my dignity within this song,
"I love you" has never smelt so sadistic,
#2
you coudl simply replace the **** with this and it would have the same effect i think.

"Pucker up, 'cause my ass is made for kissing,"

I didn't really think that line was that clever or had much oif a point.
Can you see in the dark? Can you see the look on your face?
#4
Just a few things that STUCK OUT, but overall, a pretty cool peice:

No matter how hard it is to believe,
I can assure you, I am no work of fiction,
This is a dark serenity you leave,
Pucker up, 'cause my ass is made for kissing,

-- I'M NOT SURE I LIKE THE COMMA IN L2, I'D TAKE IT OUT AND REPLACE I AM WITH I'M. L4 IS TERRIBLE. AS CLEVER AS IT SOUNDED, IT BRINGS DOWN THE VALIDITY OF THE REST OF THE PEICE BY "SINKING DOWN" A FEW NOTCHES IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. LAST TWO LINES OVERALL ARE NOT THAT TERRIBLY STRONG FOR AN OPENING ...

Resting atop the pinnacle of hate,
Preparing to dive back into my arms,
Tyrant, I never sent you an invitation,
My arms won't accept your return,
You may plummet further, what do I care?,
Your fluids will leave my floorboards a nice finish,
"I love you" has never smelt so sadistic,

--I LIKE PREPPING INSTEAD OF PREPARING IN L2 ... THE COMMA IN THE SECOND LINE AGAIN KILLS THE FLOW, AT LEAST HOW I READ IT, BUT WHAT A GREAT LINE, NICE WORK, (ALONG WITH L4) THE FLOW I DON'T THINK IS THERE IN THE LAST 3 LINES, BUT L5 IS STILL PRETTY RAD. THE LAST LINE IS TERRIBLE IN MY OPINION. TOTALLY CLICHE, AND JUST USING THE WORDS I LOVE YOU IN ANY PEICE BRINGS IT DOWN TO COMMON PLACE AND LUMPED IN WITH ALL THE OTHER BREAK-UP SONGS. I'D FIND A DIFFERENT AND MUCH MORE CREATIVE WAY TO SAY THE SAME THING.

I can still taste your tongue upon mine,
Yet it's slowly fading as time goes on,
But next time our tongues create friction,
My teeth will claim your tongue as their own,
Barricading the lies that escape your mouth,
Along with the truth constantly rearing its head,
"I love you" has never smelt so sadistic,

--TONGUE IN L1 AND L3 IS A BIT MUCH, ESPECIALLY SINCE IT'S SUCH A "STICKS OUT" WORD. BUT THIS IS A GREAT STANZA, YOU KNOW BESIDES THE LAST LINE. LOL.

You are claiming that this is clarity?,
Together, yet unsure that you love me,
I have felt like **** for far too long,
So I reclaim my dignity within this song,
"I love you" has never smelt so sadistic,

PRETTY FRAIL ENDING FOR A RATHER STONG PIECE. CURSING IN A PEICE TO ME REPRESENT A LACK OF CREATIVITY. I THINK OF A BETTER WAY TO EXPRESS TRUE FEELINGS. REALLY THE ONLY PART THAT RESEMBLED CLICHE.

Great work, well done.
LISTEN:
A Myspace introduction to:

LEARN:
It's not always rainbows and butterflies,
It's compromise that moves us along. -- Maroon 5