#1
This is just the beginning. Im still working on it. Crit for Crit


One more for the road
thats all you said
Air bag deployed
2 people dead

How could this happen
Why did it happen to me
Now stuck in your own hell
murder first degree

Speedy trial, no more smile
stuck in your own hell
wondering what could have been
outside of your cell

Chorus:
One more, one more
why oh why
wasting away day after day
now you slowly die
One more one more
my own stupidity
One more started this catastrophe
#2
i really like the way you dont show the whole story in the 1st part...

One more for the road
thats all you said
Air bag deployed
2 people dead

it keeps you wanting to read more to find it... its clever. you dont actually end up saying what 'one more' is, but the message is still really clear anyway... cool stuff man.
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Quote by Nelsean
Im saying this the straightest way possible, but...

I'd have sexual intercourse with your anus.
#3
One more for the road
thats all you said
Air bag deployed
2 people dead


That is the best freakin intro ive read in a song in a while! this is fantastic. I really like it. Its simple but effective. Il give it an 8/10 (only because its work in progress)
Nice one.
Crit mine? The link is in my sig.
xx
Quote by calvinthecanadi
I'm now an official Franzaholic.


Meep is a word.
Use it.