#1
This could be slaughtered, but do it nicely cause this is all I got at mo
Cheers critters

Wake up to the rhythm
Of a new day dawning.
cover your skin
From the cold wind blowing.
Ease your neck back
Taste the rain that?s falling.

Way up high eagle?s clawing
Holes in the sky
His calling,
He?s calling,
?Are we over, are we over??

Run down to the valley
Where the grass is growing.
Turn at the river for a new direction.
Look in the water at your reflection.

You?ll see its all connected,
The nature of the grand,
And of the man.
So who?s to blame.

Way up high snow is forming;
The shapes to tell
A story
A glory
A slip
?You fall alone,?

Come back to your senses
On a misty morning.
Stand to the sound of the eagle calling
Offer your hand to the snow that?s falling

You?ll see its all connected.
The ways of the grand,
And of the man
Last edited by Glenn James at May 20, 2006,
#2
Turn at the river for a new direction.
Look in the water at your reflection.

i think this couplet is a bit simplistic, it seems like a rhyme for the sake of a rhyme


sorry to make the first comment a negative one


i liked this couplet much better:
Stand to the sound of the eagle calling
Offer your hand to the snow that?s falling

a nice juxtapositon of a nostalgic childhood image to the nobility and pride of an eagle call. good work!
"Anytime but now
Anywhere but here
Anyone but me
I've got to think about my own life
The world is not our facility
We have a responsibility
To use our abilities to keep this place alive," said ian mackaye
#3
The nature images were well done but overall I think they were a bit simplistic in nature(NPI), as it always seemed it would be a piece of nature plus an action: Grass/growing, Eagles/clawing,Snow/Falling,Rain/Falling, wind/blowing. Also the line 'Face the rain that?s falling." I didn't like, just seemed awkward. Also the whole stanza that started with "Way up high..." I disliked. Other than that I really liked it. Check mine out if you can: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=361357
Jesse Wants To Die Just As Much As You Want Him Dead
#4
are we over, are we over?

that's awesome
come and join the youth and beauty brigade

#5 member of the club that isn't terribly prejudiced against emo. Get over yourselves.
#5
Wake up to the rhythm
Of a new day dawning.
cover your skin
From the cold wind blowing.
Ease your neck back
Face the rain that?s falling.

i really liked the way you opened it and kept the idea

You?ll see its all connected.
The ways of the grand,
And of the man

i didnt really like the last line i didnt really like it i thinkn it was rhymned like to well but besides that this song is great hey i was wondering if you cold crit my piece forever night stand
#6
i really liked the way you opened it and over all i think its pretty good, could u crit either one of mine.. highschool heartbreak or untitled ? thanks