#1
Old Man at the Crossroad
Verse 1
Journeying through a lost and unknown land, the scenery uncaring cruel and bland, where all the terror come to stay, and the evil come to lay, face down in the dirt, and plan their hurt.

Chorus
I?ve fallen so far, in an exploding car, as the fire surrounds, they release the hounds, now I fear, every sound I hear, left facing the bottom of the well, at the gateway to hell.

Verse 2
Not sure what tried to attack, but I?m far too terrified to look back, so I keep running away, no matter what they say, all the criticism I receive, all the friends you deceive, come together as one, as you stare down a loaded gun.

Chorus

Verse 3
Organise all your ideas, and catalogue my fears, the closet that hold your skeletons, we suffer but we're not the only ones, they?ll haunt you till the day you die, but your eyes never water when you cry, because long ago your emotions were lost, and you cannot afford the cost, to buy something to replace, the cold and cruel expression on your face.

Chorus

Verse 4
As the day turns to night, the dark turns to light, I reach a split un-sign posted, where I do not find the love I toasted, but a man who before I?d never seen, to meet him I was not too keen, yet as the night drew in, he drew me in, his wrinkled face was keen to teach, his one black hair now suffered bleach.

Chorus

Verse 5
He wanted to pass on information, about a once busy train station, where he went too see, many young men just like me, lost and lonely and unsure, if they had a disease they could cure, or if they would suffer forever, to remain so far under the weather, and he had information to pass onto me, but I struggled to listen to his story, for it contained so much despair and hate and of how his help always came too late.

Chorus


Verse 6
He told me that nothing can remain, not even hate not even pain, that I should simply fight the cruelty, to face my fears madly truly, to defend myself and the one I care for, to pick myself up off the floor, dust myself down and sort myself out, and lose all the mistrust and doubt, change the pace of my life, just sit back and ignore the strife, just lie down and sigh, as the world passes by.

Chorus

Verse 7
Then finally he passed onto me, a legend so young so new to see, I listened to him carefully, and understood him fully, but the way he spoke as from a whole other time, but being old fashioned is not a crime, the legend can never be repeated, and the elixir of life can never be depleted, and then slowly he turned to dust, and was blown away in a sudden eerie gust, and as the everlasting sandstorm failed, and with all my post cards mailed, I ignore the signs pointing to despair and death, and I take one last deep breath, and head back down the road I?d taken, considering all the times I?d been mistaken, about just what all my life meant, the purpose of all the time I?ve spent, passing time with nothing to do, just sitting their lonely and thinking of you.

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I've wrote nearly a hundred songs over the last few months and this is one of the first i wrote so i think it's a good first one to start with. It's kind of a strange song and there's alot of metaphors in it, the jist of it is it's about reaching a certain point in your life and it hasn't gone the way you'd planned and now you have a chance to turn back or continue down the road you're already on. It's also about how you parents always say how they wished they'd done things differently and how they try to convince you to do better than they did. I will post more lyrics in due course so please rate this one and tell me what you think.
Last edited by future rock god at May 20, 2006,
#2
Verse 5
He wanted to pass on information, about a once busy train station, where he went too see, many young men just like me, lost and lonely and unsure, if they had a disease they could cure, or if they would suffer forever, to remain so far under the weather, and he had information to pass onto me, but I struggled to listen to his story, for it contained so much despair and hate and of how his help always came too late

Awesome!!!!!!!!!!!
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Grimes - Everyones Favourite Northerner!
#4


Old Man at the Crossroad

Verse 1
Journeying through a lost and unknown land, the scenery uncaring cruel and bland, where all the terror come to stay, and the evil come to lay, face down in the dirt, and plan their hurt.

I like this opening verse. The flow is good, and the rhyming is dead on.

Chorus
I?ve fallen so far, in an exploding car, as the fire surrounds, they release the hounds, now I fear, every sound I hear, left facing the bottom of the well, at the gateway to hell.

This is a good chorus, but maybe it lacks a certain hook to it. Once more, good rhyming.

Verse 2
Not sure what tried to attack, but I?m far too terrified to look back, so I keep running away, no matter what they say, all the criticism I receive, all the friends you deceive, come together as one, as you stare down a loaded gun.

Another good verse. No compliants here.

Chorus

Verse 3
Organise all your ideas, and catalogue my fears, the closet that hold your skeletons, the zombies you have by the tons, they?ll haunt you till the day you die, but your eyes never water when you cry, because long ago your emotions were lost, and you cannot afford the cost, to buy something to replace, the cold and cruel expression on your face.

Skeletons and by the tons is a bit of a dodgy rhyme- and die and cry is a bit cliched, but the last two lines make up for this.

Chorus

Verse 4
As the day turns to night, the dark turns to light, I reach a split un-sign posted, where I do not find the love I toasted, but a man who before I?d never seen, to meet him I was not too keen, yet as the night drew in, he drew me in, his wrinkled face was keen to teach, his one black hair now suffered bleach.

There's just something about this verse that just makes me wonder you may have lost your way- i just don't think it's as good as the other verses. I'm not too sure why, maybe it rambles a bit, maybe the simple first two lines. I'm not sure about the un-sign posted part either.

Chorus

Verse 5
He wanted to pass on information, about a once busy train station, where he went too see, many young men just like me, lost and lonely and unsure, if they had a disease they could cure, or if they would suffer forever, to remain so far under the weather, and he had information to pass onto me, but I struggled to listen to his story, for it contained so much despair and hate and of how his help always came too late.

This is a good verse, but maybe the flow and the syllable count is a bit inconsistent. I'm just thinking when this is sung, it will sound a it odd, but I can't really say that as I don't know what the melody would be. But It's a good verse, I like the last line alot.

Chorus


Verse 6
He told me that nothing can remain, not even hate not even pain, that I should simply fight the cruelty, to face my fears madly truly, to defend myself and the one I care for, to pick myself up off the floor, dust myself down and sort myself out, and lose all the mistrust and doubt, change the pace of my life, just sit back and ignore the strife, just lie down and sigh, as the world passes by.

I loved this verse until the last four lines. Life and strife are two words I hate to write, and I'm not a fan of seeing them rhyming here. I also think the last two lines don't quite have the same impact as the rest of this verse.

Chorus

Verse 7
Then finally he passed onto me, a legend so young so new to see, I listened to him carefully, and understood him fully, but the way he spoke as from a whole other time, but being old fashioned is not a crime, the legend can never be repeated, and the elixir of life can never be depleted, and then slowly he turned to dust, and was blown away in a sudden eerie gust, and as the everlasting sandstorm failed, and with all my post cards mailed, I ignore the signs pointing to despair and death, and I take one last deep breath, and head back down the road I?d taken, considering all the times I?d been mistaken, about just what all my life meant, the purpose of all the time I?ve spent, passing time with nothing to do, just sitting their lonely and thinking of you.

Again, I've got some mior problems with the flow of it all, but it's an odd structure, so maybe it doesn't matter. I like the elixir line very much, but the second half of this verse doesn't jump out as special.


A good piece, but maybe a bit lengthy for some people. As I said, some small problems with flow for me, but you have rhymed well and overall it's well written. 8/10.

I'd love it if you could spare a minute to crit my piece here .
Last edited by Jammydude44 at May 19, 2006,
#5
I can see your point about the flow and the length, i'll try and tackle both those problems with the next piece.
#7
I've changed some of the lyrics in verse 3, anyone wanna check em out again and see if they're any better
#9
8/10!
All I would do so far is to vary the rhyming schemes a little.
Like, example:
bad
sad
mad
fad

to
bad
more
sad
poor

there are many ways to make the rhyming interesting. So far, good job!

I'd appreciate a crit of my song,"stop me". Thanks!
#11
more or less a story in waiting u said more to come tell us what the name is going 2 be so i can look out for it thanx
#12
Welcome is another of my songs which is on here, i can't post again for a week. I've got a tab on here called Untitled intro (ballad type song) and i will be posting the tab for this song tommorrow.
#13
I really enjoyed this piece. It was a little longer but it was very well written, and the story was made very clear. Though I have to agree with rockergirl about the rhyming, there's nothing else that really needs work. Overall, great job!
REVENGE
#14
To reply to what madtapper and rockergirl said, my more recent material does have new ryhming and when i can post again in about a week i'll do so.
Please crit:
Lyrics: Welcome

Tab: Untitled Intro (Ballad Type Song)
#15
Just wanna ask people coz i can only post one more tab this week should it be for this or welcome?
#16
i see this as being a fast sung song, but with a slower chorus. Loud in your face guitars with heavy drumming. I don't write lyrics or sing, so don't take my opinion to heavily.
#18
ive hot nothing to say cauuse everyones covered it beseides i liked the chorus could you crit my piece for ever night stand thanks piece
#19
Yeah, it was a good piece. You pretty much have all of the crits you could ask for. And I agree, it is pretty long. Don't expect radio air play, haha, jk. You can bash my songs all you want, they are in the forums.